HEY Sammy Grace- what's goin on around your place?

....i thought it was funny. but ya wanna hear a really funny one that i came up with? nana posted it on facebook but here it is again. Susannah and i were driving to manti to pick up our friend who needed a ride to st. george (susannah and i also needed a lil road trip so it worked out quite well) and along the way i was itching my nose and it was really irritating so nana asked if i needed a tissue and i said no, then i paused, and said "it just feels like my nose is being attacked by sneeze bugs" NOW is that or is that Not the perfect description of what your nose feels like just before you have to sneeze? i sure thought so. Susannah just giggled up a storm after that one. I'm not sure if that sweet phrase even comes close to my nieces dream of future employment- yep that's right folks she wants to be a 'cooking skydancer' and who wouldn't want to be one? i sure dont know. i don't know why i didn't think of that earlier. i probably coulda skipped out on college. dangit.

this will most definitely be a long post. but i neeed to just type my thoughts. its kindof...theraputic i guess, at times. ahhhh life. how is my life? its weird. right now it is anyway. i love it, dont get me wrong. but its weird. we're now down to 3 weeks and a few days. to be specific 24 days until Colten gets home. Can you believe it? i can't. but then again i can. cuz its sure been a (freakin) long time. In 2 years (ish) what have i accomplished? I don't know. I set a lot of goals and achieved a lot of em, don't get me wrong if you really wanted i could bust out a list right now of what i've accomplished. but in the BIG scheme of things what have I realllly accomplished?

Patience? not so much. I mean i think i'm better, but seeing as how my mom currently wants me to change my name to patience i think i've still got a lot to learn. (She literally is calling me patience on a regular basis)...i'll keep working on it.

Grown Spiritually? You better believe it! I know loads more now than i used to, yet i still feel completely...what's the word... Not knowledgeable? couldn't think of the word...dang. but anyway, and ya wanna know what i reallly wanna be when i "grow up"? a seminary substitute teacher. hahaha and i'm completely serious. i still wanna get my associates degree- and maybe try out for american idol (just for fun) but i love the gospel. i really do. that's all there is to it. I could go on forever about how much I love learning the gospel, and how much I love my Heavenly Father and how grateful I am for His Son Jesus Christ, but I wont. But truly, if I could help others learn what I know, I know I will learn even more and I will be able to be an instrument in the Lord's hands in a very useful way. I've learned so much, and i'm ridiculously excited to continue learning throughout the rest of my life. Plus, being a substitute seminary teacher I won't have a full time job, I'll meet lots of people, get paid, and still be home by the time my future children get home from school------while were on the subject though, what do I want to be even more than anything? where could i make the biggest impact? the biggest difference? in my home. yep folks being a mom is where its at. i'm obviously not one yet, and won't be for a while, but that is my true dream, my true desire, and what i've really always wanted. i really remember when i was a little girl, laying in bed, i thought over and over in my head what do i wanna be when i grow up? and as weirdo as it sounds, i thought of being a mom and the most amazing feeling came over me, and i was done for- that's what i really want. (p.s. maybe i REALLY should have entitled this post REALLY, cuz i sure say it alot)

Learned a lot about the real Samantha Grace? yes. oh yes. to a point (and my family will testify to this) over the past few...(many) months, i haven't been completely myself.... it's been hard to be. but i'm moving forward. at least always trying to. in the process i'm learning what i really love, what i want out of life, and just simply who i am. like for example- i do better talking to people one on one, not so good in groups. i just sit quietly in groups which is actually better cuz then i can just listen and i don't say anything stupid :) haha. i'm a white/blue personality, according to The Color Code (dun dun dun) yeah thats right its intense. so that taught me a lot about how i think and why i do certain things. I even just read a book called "The 5 Love Languages" and i found i'm a Quality Time kind of lover (that just sounds funny but idk how else to say it) and Words of Affirmation are very important to me. Look this stuff up folks its very interesting. what it means is i show love and need love by spending quality time with people. this can just mean sitting next to someone and talking to them. but words also fill up my "love tank" haha and so the words "I Love You" to me, mean so much more. anyway, those are all just specifics, but there's been a lot of other experiences that i've had that have taught me a bit more about who i am and some of its been great, and some not so great. but that's whats great is that i know where i need to improve, and i'll just keep swimming, just keep swimming, and then just keep swimming.

Met some amazing people? too many to count. I have made some serious friendships, and i'm so grateful for that. I've also learned more about friendship, and relationships, and people in general. I know i've got tons more to learn about people. I know i've made many mistakes, and too often I have hurt people I love, but I'm thankful for forgiveness, and hope to always be worthy of it. I hope even more so that, in the future, and everyday, that i don't take the people in my life for granted. They ARE what we take with us when we go, and knowing them, loving them, caring for them, teaching them, learning from them, and just being there for them is what it's all about. Through people we learn to be Christlike, through service and love. Obviously repentance and obedience are right up there with life's lessons, but the first and great commandment is to Love God, with all your heart, might, mind, and strength. and the 2nd is like unto it, to love thy neighbor as thyself. and isn't one of the ways we show love for God through serving our fellow men? i think so. so, I'm sorry to those I've hurt, I feel sorrow that I can't explain for ever hurting anyone. I do know now though, and this is one big huge important lesson, that even though we make mistakes, once we truly repent, we have to learn to move on. Sometimes I think I make myself think that if i feel sorry enough, then i can change how someone else feels, like if somehow I suffer enough then they will finally forgive, but that's not the way it works. God is our judge, and it is up to us to forgive all men. All the time. in every situation. So I have to let go of grudges, and pray that others will to, but sometimes they won't because they have agency, and I learned that thats ok. Men are that they might have joy, not sorrow. so if I do my best, and truly, humbly, repent when i sin, and believe that Christ will take my burdens upon Himself, through Him i can be ok, i can be stronger, and move forward with a smile on my face :)

I could just keep adding more. However, this is already a long post. I just feel so different from who i was 2 years ago, but its not a bad thing. I'm thankful for what I've gone through, and I'm thankful for trials. Even though that parts kinda hard to type, its the truth. Trials really are special, cuz they really change a person, it's up to us how we choose to change through the trial though, we can let it weaken us and weaken us and weaken us, or we can let it rebuild the little broken parts and make em stronger to withstand whatever else will come our way. I believe that. I know that. and that's all folks---have a wonderful week?! :)