This post probably needs Chapters. That's how full my brain is right now. So many thoughts.
--It's been a while. Life's crazy. Toddlers are a busy job. My little one keeps me on my toes.
I am a writer. I am not very good at putting a label to something, but one thing I've found to be sure is this truth. I have to write. It keeps me sane. And if I keep my mind above the deep thoughts I have then I'm not as happy. I feel like the world has so many distractions to keep me busy. Pinterest, Cellphones, (dumb) Facebook, and Life itself can sometimes become a distraction. Is that a strange concept? I feel like we can get caught up in too much of unimportant life issues and we're so busy problem solving that we don't take a moment to look eternally. Maybe I'm the only who feels this way. Probably not.
Anyhow, I'm always looking for lessons in my life. I have an ongoing journal in my head, and I feel like over the last 4+ months I've continuously started writing something and then I just keep scribbling it out. So today I'm forcing my brain to do what it does best, ponder deeply...and then write. For me, it's therapy. It's relaxing. It's an accomplishment, but it's not something I have to work hard at. (I probably could work harder to make my grammar and punctuation better...)
I've learned lessons about marriage, friendships, hardships, motherhood, and about being myself.
"TREADIN' ON SACRED GROUND"
There is an old country song I heard over the weekend titled, "Sacred Ground" made famous by a band called McBride and the Ride. I'm a sucker for all generations of country.
Here's the part I love about it,
"It's a precious thing you don't know nothin' about
We were joined in the eyes of the Lord
And the eyes of our Hometown
why don't you leave her alone
you're treadin' on sacred ground"
In the world we live in, marriage has to be protected. And I truly think it's not as easy as it used to be. This song is about a man warning another man, but I heard it differently. We should warn whatever comes in the way of our marriages to get outta here, you're treadin' on sacred ground. Meaning, all the above mentioned distractions that are technologically related, and all the other 'stuff' that just gets in the way. It's different for everyone, but Satan finds whatever tools he can to get in and try to destroy the most sacred things in our lives. If he can ruin a marriage, he will. We all know this. But I think sometimes we struggle to see him sneak in. He comes in the forms of whatever is important to this world, money, social status, media, etc. We have to seek out the things of a better world. When it comes to marriages, they are most sacred, and they ought to be most protected.
"If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don't expose it to the elements. You don't make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by." -Elder F. Burton Howard.
That's been pinned once or twice....and thank goodness because it's a beautiful description of what I am tryin to write. Marriage, is something that is supposed to bind us together. We must work hard to make sure it does that, by taking care of it. Making it stronger everyday.
I haven't always been a super good friend to everyone. It's not because I'm rude, or because I don't want to be a good friend, I'm just content with my few close friends and the enormous amount of family that I have. According to The Color Code/The People Code, I am a White personality. We're pretty content, and tend to be lazy, and potentiallly not very fun. My second color is Blue, and that's where my need for closeness to people comes from. So it makes sense that I'm really close to my bubble filled with wonderful people, but I'm not real great at branching out.
I'm learning, that there are amazing people out there who I enjoy becoming friends with. Now that I don't work at the theater I don't get as much social interaction outside of my family and the church. But honestly, my testimony of the visiting teaching program has increased 10-fold. It has helped me be a better friend. I love seeing my sisters, and I love all the things I learn from them. Slowly, but surely I'm learning how to be a good friend to everyone.
I'm super thankful to my buddy Charlee Ann, for being a superstar friend since 5th grade. She is that person who seems like she should be one of my sisters. She's always been an example to me of how to be a great friend. Neither one of us has been perfect, but over the years we've taught each other a lot. We will still be calling/texting each other when we're in our 90's. Kids will be like, "what's texting?" And we will be like, "don't worry about it" and we'll push through the arthritis to tell each other something hilarious. And then we'll have to tell the nurses that we need a diaper change.
Well all I've learned in this chapter is that hardships come. No matter who ya are or where yer from. They come and they come fast and hard and it sucks. But there's only one way to get through em'... With the help of our Savior Jesus Christ. Simple and sweet. Short but true.
Motherhood and Being Myself
Motherhood is hard. It it's too often that people make us feel like motherhood is not enough. The world teaches that you are not smart enough, you are not bold enough, you are not beautiful enough, and you are certainly not accomplished enough, if you are just a mother.
I beg to differ.
I've recently got caught up in this idea myself, but I was reminded by my mother that motherhood is of ultimate importance. Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough in my life, along with all that I do at home. But my life is at home. And that's the best place for it to be. My mom reminded me that when we get to heaven Heavenly Father isn't going to care as much about our list of accomplishments. He is going to care how we took care of His children. Whether they were the ones at home, or the children He needs us to serve in our wards and neighborhoods. But, if ALL you do is your very best for each one of your kids, you're doing pretty awesome. And that's the message I forgot.
And I don't think it's so much what we "do" as mothers. It's hard to explain, but it's what we become because of motherhood. When we are constantly serving, teaching, and loving, our kids we are doing what Christ did when he was here. And that makes us understand Him. I've had to stop at least 25 times while writing this. That's life with a toddler. If that doesn't teach patience I don't know what does.
The purpose in this life is to become. Become a loving person. Become a spiritual person. Become like our Savior. Become more Godly. Become more humble. Become more patient, teachable, more clean, more true, etc. Motherhood is a catalyst for becoming Godly.
Sadly, Satan has a hold on too many mothers, and just like everything even motherhood, one of the most sacred callings in this life, can become tainted.
So I put this section last on purpose. As a reminder to myself and to all mothers that what you do matters, but more importantly it's enough because of who motherhood is helping you to become. It's special, it's sacred, it's crazy hard, and it's worth it.
Never forget that.
And when it comes to being myself, being a mom is who I am. I am a thinker, a writer, a singer, and I might be a little socially awkward sometimes. But that's who I am and that's Okay. First and foremost I am a mom, to the most beautiful little girl in the whole world. She makes me smile every day. She also makes me scream a little. But then I just have to love her even more for it. I love my job.
Those are my life lessons. Always more to come.
I must go now, to clean the house that has been destroyed during this writing process.