Thursday, April 25, 2013

one of the hardest phrases in the English language

"You are the only one who can make that decision"

Well, guess I'm tough outta luck cuz I can over-analyze a sandwich.

Friday, April 12, 2013

The Characteristic of Being Genuine...and a love story.

Seriously, these are the kind of thoughts that keep me up at 4-5 in the morning. My daughter didn't even wake me up, I just woke up. And my mind just wouldn't stop.

I'm not sure if it ever really does.

This morning, I pondered the characteristic--(one of the many) that made me fall in love with my husband. As I dated throughout high school and afterward, I found that this characteristic was just not as common as I had hoped. On one date a guy actually asked me, "What do you look for in a guy?" And my mind went right to Colten, and he inspired my answer, "I want them to be genuine. I want the guy I meet, to be the guy I meet. I don't want him to be who he thinks I want him to be, I just want him to be him."

I couldn't find the same genuine personality in others that Colten had. He was so secure in who he was, even if he knew of his flaws and even if they troubled him, he was positive, and he always portrayed himself to be none other than who he was.

-Granted- His family always teases him about having moments where he was "the great grump" in high school---apparently that attitude came out when he and I were having problems....which is also funny because in my eyes we never really had problems.... :) haha. But now that we're married I still have yet to see him ever in a "great grump" mood. Sure he has his bad days, as do I, but I still think he is a very positive person.

And when we dated, he was and is still the person I fell in love with. He's older now, more mature, (in some ways ;)) and serving a mission taught him how to be an even better man than who I knew was in him all along. I'll always be indebted to his mother for teaching him and raising him to be such a wonderful husband--the man who I get to spend forever with. She is an amazing woman.

I just love how Colten is not afraid to be who he is. I know that I probably don't come across as genuine as I could---I can be tremendously, socially awkward at times...dangit...but I'm learning from my husband how to be me, and not have to say sorry for it. I hated sitting at dinner with a date, even after a few dates, and feeling like I still had absolutely no clue who was sitting across from me. I hated that someone told me they loved me when I felt like they had absolutely no clue who I was! haha.

One night, before Colten came home from his mission, I was up late talking to my mom. I was over-analyzing, (typical of a all know that's true) and worrying, and questioning, and essentially being a search of an answer about Colten. I already knew that he was who I wanted to marry, but I questioned myself, and again over-thought everything. But my wise mother said, (paraphrased)

"Sammy, all you need to do, is close your eyes and throw out all the messy, silly, details about flaws and such and picture Colten's spirit. Picture the spirit that you know is inside him, and the potential that he has that is within, picture yourself the same way, and see if you can picture the both of you holding hands  throughout eternity--and truly being with him forever" 

That brought tears to my eyes, and thinking of that moment still does bring tears to my eyes because I knew right then that he was exactly who I wanted with me for eternity. And I've never questioned since. And pretty much every day I know I'm thee most blessed girl in the whole universe because of who I married. I love that he is the same spirit that sat next to me in Mrs. Browning's English class who always made me laugh. I love that he broke my fear of fourwheelers. I love that he will be just as genuine in 70+ years as he is now. I love that he loves me and how he is the perfect one for me.

Who knew that the Characteristic of Being Genuine could have been the catalyst that changed my life forever?...