Tuesday, October 7, 2014


This is the topic that kept me up last night. I may have been awakened by a baby who is leaving me no room to sleep peacefully throughout the night without taking a visit to the little girl's room. And then the same beautiful baby in this belly of mine also needed food. Needless to say, I am awake every night for various lengths of time. Which is essentially what brought me to this subject. This miracle pregnancy, (for I truly believe every pregnancy is a miracle) may be a beautiful and a wonderful and an exciting thing, it has also been a trial. As most women would agree, pregnancy is NOT easy peasy lemon squeezy.

BUT, it gives us a gift which requires more gratitude than I think I could ever explain. It's a gift of life, a gift of love, a gift that is eternal. This hard 9 months brings about my most cherished calling in life...motherhood.

Unfortunately I do not wake up every morning with those kinds of thoughts in my head. The first phrase that typically enters my mind is usually, "Oh girl please go back to sleep!" But then I get up. Except on those awesome days daddy is home and he lets me sleep a little longer :)

As I pondered all of this, I realized every miracle, blessing, and trial in my life has all been connected to each other. Whether it was because of a "trial of my faith" that I received a miracle, or if because of a blessing in my life I also had trials that went with it. Sometimes the pattern just goes crazy and life looks something like this:

Miracle. Trial. Blessing. Blessing. Blessing. TRIAL. trial. trial. .....miracle. Blessing. trial. etc.

The miracle that I feel when I am able to sing a song and know that one heart was touched. But tied with that often comes the feelings of nervousness, and the all too familiar headache that I get afterward because I get so stressed out about it sometimes. Especially the journey of song that happens after having a baby. Waiting for my voice to get back to normal, and not feeling as sure of myself was and will be hard again. But as hard and emotional as it can be, it's worth it. Because I see someone who was listening and somehow I know, that I was an instrument for the Lord to touch his or her heart. And that's all I need to keep singing.

The miracle that is a child. I've mentioned pregnancy, (cuz that's kindof on my mind all day everyday) but to see my little girl grow and learn to talk and walk. But with that comes potty-training, repetition of books that I would at this point feel very comfortable about throwing into the fire, and of course the all too familiar newborn stage that I'm positive takes superpowers to endure. But we do it because we love it. She knows how to blow away my frustrations as if they were little feathers, by just giving me a smile and saying the phrase daddy taught her... "Yeah, Buddy!" :)

Every one of us experiences trials big and small, but somehow if we are on the right path--it seems like Heavenly Father knows how to keep us moving forward if only we with look with an eye of faith and see His hand in all things. Sometimes my miracles are as simple as me finally getting a break during naptime when my toddler hasn't taken a nap in two days. Sometimes it's just that feeling of how grateful I am to have such an amazing husband, and the miracle is as simple as me waking up next to him every morning.

The more hardships I hear from other's lives I watch my blessings become miracles...because they mean that much more to me knowing that I didn't have to go through what another person may have had to endure.

"If you are on the right path, it will always be uphill. The Lord is anxious to lead us to the safety of higher ground" -President Henry B. Eyring

I suppose my mind tends to lean towards the negative...and so when the world is quiet, the Lord has to teach me about the beauty of this life, and specifically my own life. I really like sleep, but again the trial of bags under my eyes comes with the blessing of me waking up with a smile on my face.

"Don't be gloomy. Even if you are not happy, put a smile on your face. This is the gospel of good news, this is a message of joy, this is the thing of which the angels sang when they sang of the birth of the Son of God. This is a work of eternal salvation; this is something to be happy and excited about. You won't get anywhere if you go with a frown on your face" -President Gordon B. Hinckley

I'm so excited to meet this new little girl growing everyday inside me. If you've been around me this summer and I've seemed gloomy, I'm sorry I got a little like Eeyore when I was sick. I promise happier me is here. I don't feel like I need to tie a trash bag to my belt in case I throw up anymore.I'm feeling...not normal...but certainly a lot more like I can turn my frown upside down :)

I'm thankful for my miracles-blessings-trials and all, because it helps me know the Lord just loves me.

Monday, August 11, 2014

My Testimony of the Temple

First off, when I said I would rejoin the lovely Facebook crowd, it was for one reason. One reason only.
To use it as a tool to share my testimony. So, when I got invited to join this "Flood Facebook with the Temple" group, I jumped at the chance.

How do I write about something---when  I feel my knowledge of it has only scratched the surface?

I'm praying the spirit will guide me in sharing my feelings and emotions about the temple in a way that will be felt more than understood just by words.

I feel I have so much more to learn about the temple. But here's what I know:

-I know that when I'm there I have the opportunity to feel peace in a way that is specific to the Lord's House. I know in the temple, when I quiet my mind and heart, my chest burns with the warmth of God's love--as if in one instance He can answer all of my questions, just by reminding me that, "I'm here. I love you. I know you. I hear you."

-I know that the ordinances that take place in the temple are eternal. I know we can act as Saviors on Mount Zion, doing work for those who have passed on. I know the people who came before us that didn't receive the special blessings that come from the temple, can still receive those blessings with our help.

-I know that the Lord has spoken to me in the temple. In a way that my heart understands...which is much stronger and more everlasting than anything I could ever hear with my ears.

-I know that I feel peace and gratitude knowing that my family can be together forever. The sealing power in the temple is real, and it binds families together for eternity.

-I know that when I'm in the temple, especially with my siblings and parents, I feel content. I feel like everything is going to be okay.

-I know only a few things, but the experiences I've had in the temple have always led me to believe that it is truly a House of the Lord. It is a place where our Savior can dwell. It is a place where the distractions of this world are put aside, and we can focus on eternal--and the most important--of all things. If I'm ever in search of direction, I can go there and see my path more clearly. If I just need to feel peace--one of the hardest things to find in this world--I can go there and finally feel it.

If you don't know where else to go in this life, go to the temple. Find your way there. Do what you have to do to be worthy to enter. It's the one place in this world that reminds me of what it must have felt like in heaven. I'm grateful that I have had the blessing of living so close to the temple, and that my family has been blessed because of it.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

First, Seek to Obtain My Word

“Seek not to declare my word, but first seek to obtain my word, and then shall your tongue be loosed; then, if you desire, you shall have my Spirit and my word, yea, the power of God unto the convincing of men” (D&C 11:21). (lds.org)

I wonder, in all seriousness, the literal number of times I have been told to read my scriptures. Throughout my childhood, my teenage years, and even since being an adult. So many times. So many. 


In the times we live in there's so much proof of this or that. There's research on one thing and research on another thing. There's ways to document everything in life making it "easier" to find truth. Unfortunately, I think I have been distracted and confused at times and I have relied on many different sources for strength and reassurance. Though they have all been good sources, I still find myself seeking peace. I don't think it's just my personality speaking when I say we live in a pretty crazy and not-exactly-peaceful world. There are literal psychos all over the place. I don't use the term psycho lightly or impolitely either. I am simply pointing out the obvious. I've always wished I could go back in time and live in a quieter world, (not forever, but maybe a day) but then I think, maybe I'm better off not knowing the extent of the horror that exists on the earth today. If I were to see how good it may have been at times, maybe I would be too afraid to come back to 2014. Because of the world's terribleness, we are bombarded by advertisements for anything and everything that will, "make us happy." 

But the thought of trying to figure out what will help bring me peace is overwhelming--when I look to the world's advice. How do I know what's right? How do I find something that will truly help and give me everlasting comfort? Out of all the worlds offerings, how do I know where to go? Sound familiar? 

Joseph Smith had a similar experience when seeking which religion he should join. He was offered many seemingly good choices, yet he was confused. 

So, he sought God's word. 

The scriptures were the only foundation he saw fit to lead him to figuring out the answer to a life-changing question. "What should I do?"

"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him" James 1:5

Admittedly, my impatience makes me try to skip the scripture-checking step and go directly to prayer. Not a bad way to go, but maybe not the best.

As I've tried to be better at reading my scriptures, I know why Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ tell us to "Obtain My Word". 

In the Bible Dictionary, under the word "Prayer" we read:
"As soon as we learn the true relationship in which we stand toward God (namely, God is our Father, and we are His children), then at once prayer becomes natural and instinctive on our part (Matt. 7:7–11). Many of the so-called difficulties about prayer arise from forgetting this relationship. Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them. Prayer is a form of work and is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings.

There are many passages in the New Testament that teach the duty of prayer (Matt. 7:7; 26:41; Luke 18:1; 21:36;Eph. 6:18; Philip. 4:6; Col. 4:2; 1 Thes. 5:17, 25; 1 Tim. 2:1, 8). Christians are taught to pray in Christ’s name (John 14:13–14; 15:7, 16; 16:23–24). We pray in Christ’s name when our mind is the mind of Christ, and our wishes the wishes of Christ—when His words abide in us (John 15:7). We then ask for things it is possible for God to grant. Many prayers remain unanswered because they are not in Christ’s name at all; they in no way represent His mind but spring out of the selfishness of man’s heart." (lds.org)

When I read the scriptures, I better understand our Savior. I start to see how Heavenly Father was and is, and my mind automatically starts to think higher thoughts. And one of the blessings that I feel directly comes from reading the scriptures, is peace. 

So here we are in this world trying to seek truth. Trying to be happy. I've found that if I will just do the simple "primary answers" of reading my scriptures, saying my prayers, and going to church--my life changes for the better. I find peace--and I feel the divine strength that gives me confidence, knowledge, and power to go forward with faith.  

I don't have a lot of knowledge or wisdom, but I can bear testimony of a few powerful truths. I know that reading the scriptures is one of the ways we keep a firm grip on the iron rod. It's one way we can find solace, and one way we can find answers to the questions we are always asking. When we obtain His word, we start to receive revelation for our lives, guidance towards the straight and narrow path of righteousness-- in a world that offers too many different roads to take. 

It's a simple task, but we have to do it. We cannot afford to leave our scriptures closed. We cannot risk thinking that we know enough. If our lives are too busy to read, maybe we need to reevaluate our priorities. 
This is the newest lesson I'm learning in my life. There's always something the Lord's tryin' to teach me. And since I'm a little dumb sometimes I get the same lessons over and over :) But that's okay, it just means the truth is real and it lasts. What was true for me as a child is still true for me as an adult. I have to do the simple things to be the happiest. That's just the way it is. 

Monday, June 9, 2014

One Simple Smile.

It's amazing how one genuine smile from someone can make you feel like taking in a deep breath...and finally really breathing. Of course all of us who are alive, breathe. But some of us have a hard time getting through each day physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually...whatever it may be. But sometimes, one smile, is like a breath of the freshest air you've ever breathed. It's simple.

I may not always say the right thing. I may not always DO the right thing. But I can smile. Even when I'm sad, my heart is still willing to throw out a genuine smile...simply from the fact that even though I may not know you, I know you're a child of God like me. And I know I have struggles so I figure you do too. So if I can't do anything else I will smile, truly smile. And I hope people feel that.

Because I felt it today from someone else. And it made me breathe, like life feels good.

And I'm thankful for that.

Monday, May 26, 2014

A word on, all the important things.

This post probably needs Chapters. That's how full my brain is right now. So many thoughts.

--It's been a while. Life's crazy. Toddlers are a busy job. My little one keeps me on my toes.

I am a writer. I am not very good at putting a label to something, but one thing I've found to be sure is this truth. I have to write. It keeps me sane. And if I keep my mind above the deep thoughts I have then I'm not as happy. I feel like the world has so many distractions to keep me busy. Pinterest, Cellphones, (dumb) Facebook, and Life itself can sometimes become a distraction. Is that a strange concept? I feel like we can get caught up in too much of unimportant life issues and we're so busy problem solving that we don't take a moment to look eternally. Maybe I'm the only who feels this way. Probably not.

Anyhow, I'm always looking for lessons in my life. I have an ongoing journal in my head, and I feel like over the last 4+ months I've continuously started writing something and then I just keep scribbling it out. So today I'm forcing my brain to do what it does best, ponder deeply...and then write. For me, it's therapy. It's relaxing. It's an accomplishment, but it's not something I have to work hard at. (I probably could work harder to make my grammar and punctuation better...)

I've learned lessons about marriage, friendships, hardships, motherhood, and about being myself.


There is an old country song I heard over the weekend titled, "Sacred Ground" made famous by a band called McBride and the Ride. I'm a sucker for all generations of country.

Here's the part I love about it,
"It's a precious thing you don't know nothin' about
We were joined in the eyes of the Lord
And the eyes of our Hometown
why don't you leave her alone
you're treadin' on sacred ground"

In the world we live in, marriage has to be protected. And I truly think it's not as easy as it used to be. This song is about a man warning another man, but I heard it differently. We should warn whatever comes in the way of our marriages to get outta here, you're treadin' on sacred ground. Meaning, all the above mentioned distractions that are technologically related, and all the other 'stuff' that just gets in the way. It's different for everyone, but Satan finds whatever tools he can to get in and try to destroy the most sacred things in our lives. If he can ruin a marriage, he will. We all know this. But I think sometimes we struggle to see him sneak in. He comes in the forms of whatever is important to this world, money, social status, media, etc. We have to seek out the things of a better world. When it comes to marriages, they are most sacred, and they ought to be most protected.

"If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don't expose it to the elements. You don't make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by." -Elder F. Burton Howard.

That's been pinned once or twice....and thank goodness because it's a beautiful description of what I am tryin to write. Marriage, is something that is supposed to bind us together. We must work hard to make sure it does that, by taking care of it. Making it stronger everyday.


I haven't always been a super good friend to everyone. It's not because I'm rude, or because I don't want to be a good friend, I'm just content with my few close friends and the enormous amount of family that I have. According to The Color Code/The People Code, I am a White personality. We're pretty content, and tend to be lazy, and potentiallly not very fun. My second color is Blue, and that's where my need for closeness to people comes from. So it makes sense that I'm really close to my bubble filled with wonderful people, but I'm not real great at branching out.

I'm learning, that there are amazing people out there who I enjoy becoming friends with. Now that I don't work at the theater I don't get as much social interaction outside of my family and the church. But honestly, my testimony of the visiting teaching program has increased 10-fold. It has helped me be a better friend. I love seeing my sisters, and I love all the things I learn from them. Slowly, but surely I'm learning how to be a good friend to everyone.

I'm super thankful to my buddy Charlee Ann, for being a superstar friend since 5th grade. She is that person who seems like she should be one of my sisters. She's always been an example to me of how to be a great friend. Neither one of us has been perfect, but over the years we've taught each other a lot. We will still be calling/texting each other when we're in our 90's. Kids will be like, "what's texting?" And we will be like, "don't worry about it" and we'll push through the arthritis to tell each other something hilarious. And then we'll have to tell the nurses that we need a diaper change.


Well all I've learned in this chapter is that hardships come. No matter who ya are or where yer from. They come and they come fast and hard and it sucks. But there's only one way to get through em'... With the help of our Savior Jesus Christ. Simple and sweet. Short but true.

Motherhood and Being Myself

Motherhood is hard. It it's too often that people make us feel like motherhood is not enough. The world teaches that  you are not smart enough, you are not bold enough, you are not beautiful enough, and you are certainly not accomplished enough, if you are just a mother.

I beg to differ.

I've recently got caught up in this idea myself, but I was reminded by my mother that motherhood is of ultimate importance. Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough in my life, along with all that I do at home. But my life is at home. And that's the best place for it to be. My mom reminded me that when we get to heaven Heavenly Father isn't going to care as much about our list of accomplishments. He is going to care how we took care of His children. Whether they were the ones at home, or the children He needs us to serve in our wards and neighborhoods. But, if ALL you do is your very best for each one of your kids, you're doing pretty awesome. And that's the message I forgot.

And I don't think it's so much what we "do" as mothers. It's hard to explain, but it's what we become because of motherhood. When we are constantly serving, teaching, and loving, our kids we are doing what Christ did when he was here. And that makes us understand Him. I've had to stop at least 25 times while writing this. That's life with a toddler. If that doesn't teach patience I don't know what does.

The purpose in this life is to become. Become a loving person. Become a spiritual person. Become like our Savior. Become more Godly. Become more humble. Become more patient, teachable, more clean, more true, etc. Motherhood is a catalyst for becoming Godly.

Sadly, Satan has a hold on too many mothers, and just like everything even motherhood, one of the most sacred callings in this life, can become tainted.

So I put this section last on purpose. As a reminder to myself and to all mothers that what you do matters, but more importantly it's enough because of who motherhood is helping you to become. It's special, it's sacred, it's crazy hard, and it's worth it.

Never forget that.

And when it comes to being myself, being a mom is who I am. I am a thinker, a writer, a singer, and I might be a little socially awkward sometimes. But that's who I am and that's Okay. First and foremost I am a mom, to the most beautiful little girl in the whole world. She makes me smile every day. She also makes me scream a little. But then I just have to love her even more for it. I love my job.

Those are my life lessons. Always more to come.

I must go now, to clean the house that has been destroyed during this writing process.

Monday, January 27, 2014

Why does the Father forgive so much?

In my Sunday School class, my amazing kids are constantly testing me. But only because I ask em' to. Every week we give them slips of paper, and tell them to write questions they have about the month's topic, or about anything in the gospel. February's subject is "The Plan of Salvation" and January's topic has been "The Godhead." Every question I get is wonderful. They make me study harder, and the practice of asking questions and finding answers is hopefully being instilled in their hearts. As it is in mine.

But this question, it hit me like a spiritual arrow soft, but nonetheless intense and straight into my chest. It was one of those moments where the tears began to well up whether I wanted them to or not.

The question that was given to me, is the title of this post. "Why does the Father forgive so much?"

I know without a shadow of a doubt that when we are called in positions in the church our Heavenly Father helps us feel the love He has for the individuals in our classes, quorums, groups, etc. And when I read this question it was like an immediate rush of love came in to my soul. I know that Heavenly Father is aware of every individual in my class---and my senses were heightened all of a sudden to make me see that.

I don't know who wrote the question. I have no idea what struggles many of my students face. I know they struggle with similar things that I struggled with in high school...but, I don't know enough about the rest of their lives to understand what they're going through. So I don't know if this question came from a need of understanding that the Father will forgive this individual, or if it was because they wondered why people who do horrible things can still be forgiven.

Here's my answer to the question:

   I don't know why our Father in Heaven forgives so much. It boggles my mind, while at the same time warming my heart. I don't know that there's a limit to how much he will forgive---I really don't think there is one. I know that our understanding of love and forgiveness IS limited. We are still learning how to love, and how to forgive. I know that some of our brothers and sisters do some pretty terrible things in this life and I don't understand why. I am thankful that I don't  have to understand how to judge them on Judgement Day. I'm thankful that that job is up to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I know that our Father in Heaven knows us in and out, past, present, and future. He knows our spirits because he created us. We are His children.

Sometimes I think I know Camry so well because she began life inside of me, and the first 9 months we were inseparable :)haha. And then she came to this earth and it was a feeling of-- "I know you. I've known you for a while now, and yet we're just meeting each other, but I'm here to take care of you, I promise."  But when I ponder being a partner with Heavenly Father in bringing His children to the earth I realize that He knew her those 9 months too, He knew her long before I did. He will continue to know her better than I ever can. That knowledge is strange, but so fulfilling and safe. I trust His arms more than I trust my own. I know He is a better parent than me, and although I'm here to love and guide her--part of my purpose is to teach her how to build a relationship with her Father in Heaven.

Because He knows each of us soooo well, I know he has the ability to forgive and know when our hearts are pure. He knows when we truly repent. He knows when we seek His forgiveness with all the sincerity of our souls. He knows when we need Him. And I KNOW that he will never leave us empty. He may not send down a choir of angels, but I guarantee He will send peace. That's one of the jobs of the Holy Ghost, to comfort us and give us peace when we think we are not worth it. And Christ is the mediator in and through it all. We are to gain a relationship with Him just as we do the Father.

Why does the Father forgive so much? I don't know, but I know He sure loves us and wants us to have all that He has. Why did the Savior hang on the cross? Why did he rise again triumphant from the tomb? Why do we seek forgiveness?  Because we are not perfect. But there was a Plan set forth long before we came here that made it so that imperfect people can become perfect. Part of the plan was to come to earth, receive bodies, be imperfect, and require the Savior's Atonement to make it back to be with the Father who loved us enough to make a straight path for us. Another part, the Savior's Atonement, made it possible for us to become at one with our Father, clean and whole.

Alls I knows is....I'm thankful He forgives so much. I need it. I need His love and forgiveness probably more than I need air to breathe. It's that important. The beyond shocking part is that I don't always seek it out. I ought to be slapped in the face for that. But that's part of my journey. Learning to seek out what truly nourishes my soul. And I know that our Father's love, and His endless forgiveness, is more nourishing and more filling than any food or water. I know the Savior's love is perfect. He is "the way, the truth, and the life" (John 14:6). I would be lost without all three members of the Godhead. I would not know the purpose of my life if not for the Plan of Salvation. I would be forever scarred and lonely if it were not for the Savior's Atonement to strengthen, lift, and heal me. I would be hopeless, if I did not know, that my Father in Heaven can, and will, forgive so much.