Thursday, November 29, 2012

1 part funny. 2 parts serious.

Ok, so I stopped doing the dishes, mid-dishes, to sit and write this. So I think it's funny. If you don't thats ok. I'll only dislike you for a day. or two. just kidding.

This was my conversation with the cashier today.

She holds up the little newborn sleeping outfit (that I was buying because I wasn't sure I have enough clothes for a newborn, and because it was cheap, and cute....) and she says

"Oh this is cute"

Me: "Thanks, I thought so too"

"Except it has a ruffle" ......

Awkward pause....(in my head I said, "Is she for real right now?")

Then she jumped in with, "i have all boys"

I awkwardly laugh and say "oh"

She then says, that could work for a boy or a girl except for that it has a ruffle.

I awkwardly agree, but thought to myself, I personally wouldn't choose to dress my boys in leopard print, but I guess that could just be me................
(it's literally all leopard print, not just a little)

Oh well, no biggie, she's still nice right?

Then, we awkwardly talk about my pregnancy and I say how I'm ready to be done being pregnant and excited to have baby.

She then responds, "Yep, looks like your getting all ready! You've got your nursing bras!"

Why yes, ma'am I do in fact have them now, thank you for letting everyone else in line know too. Maybe you could tell them what size I am, or even show them in case they're wondering what brand to buy next when they need nursing bras.

Pretty sure that no matter what kind of bra a woman is buying, a cashier isn't supposed to say anything about it. They're not supposed to comment on any form of underwear. Just sayin.

On a more serious note, it looks like a C-section is in my future. I have not lost all hope, I have a small feeling she could turn right before the excitement begins. But either way, I won't be getting my out-of-hospital birth. And my midwife will only get to be my doula which means she won't catch the baby but she can at least be there through the whole birth. If it's a C-section though, she will have just been my prenatal care person. Which I have still very much enjoyed, I love that I made every appointment through her, I had her home phone, cellphone, and email, and she taught classes once a month. She is awesome.

I have come to terms with either one. I'm still just so excited to bring this baby girl into the world that I don't care anymore how she comes, just as long as it's the best option for her. She is still chillin on her bum, and thats ok. If she turns, thats ok. I just want something to happen. I'm almost 38 weeks. And I don't think being pregnant the last few weeks is very fun. So,
 baby girl, we'd like to meet you, come on down! Preferrably head first--but if thats too scary mama understands!

Monday, November 5, 2012


I can handle all of the symptoms I have right now. They are better than nausea. BUT...

-I wouldn't mind going a whole night without having to get up to pee.

-I do not know why, but my body wants to wake up at 530 AM. I'd be okay just sleeping right through that time frame again...although I know sleeping I said goodbye to voluntarily--and a long time ago---clear back in the springtime.

-I wouldn't mind being able to slouch comfortably again. Working at a desk and typing while trying to lean back in your chair...not easy.

-I am now to the stage where tummy has no room. I want to eat, but yet have no room. I am so excited to have normal eating habits day..........

-Eating automatically affects my breathing now. One bite too much means gasping for air.

-I am excited to walk up the stairs at work without having to catch my breath for what feels like 20 minutes after reaching the top.

-More than anything else, I want this sweet, wonderful baby girl to turn. I want her to be adventurous and think to herself "Hmmm, I think it'd be fun to go HEADFIRST!" It's life's first adventure if you think about it.

Friday, November 2, 2012

No sense in barkin' at what ya can't see.

A couple nights ago, I was sitting inside our house eating a bowl of cereal when I heard a dog barking in our front yard. I knew Colten had just gotten home, but I didn't think it was Broni behind the barking because it sounded like a big dog. I went outside to check and found that our little puppy must be hitting puberty because it was him! I also found that he was going haywire over a bucket. Yes folks, a bucket. When I turned on the porch light and called to him he settled right down and ran over to me.

This morning, as I was letting him out to do his...morning business... when he got done he came to me and I told him how wonderful of a puppy was. Then we heard some children playing in the distance and he whipped around and did a little head-shake-mini-aggressive-bark-thing. (I think he's finding some aggression from being around my mom's Dachsund who acts like a complete turd everytime someone knocks on the door) (we will be teaching Broni the proper way to respond)... Anyway, I got up and told him to come in the house and in my mind I thought, "No sense in barkin' at what ya can't see." And then it hit me, just how full of wisdom that advice for a dog really is.

I again was caught up in a moment where it's like the Lord put a label on the lessons being learned in my life. He finally summed it up this morning just in that little phrase. Think about it folks, do we bark at things we can't see? I hope we don't actually bark, but ya know, figuratively speaking, don't we all jump to conclusions now and again, and choose a side when we never really saw the other one?

In recent years, meaning like, age 20 ish, I think I got to a point of knowing everything. Especially at work. I found every problem I could find with the business and I did my share of complaining. Then things switched up on me, management changed, and boy if I could only tell you how many times I wish even still that I could take back every complaint I ever found before. Now my job has found its way back to moving forward again, and I like my job, I like my fellow employees, and my boss. Not a single one of them are perfect. And thank goodness, because neither am I.

I also believe that in my family relationships, I was more judgemental. (maybe a problem engrained in my DNA, can have good side effects, but can also be very negative) I then took classes by one of the coolest men on the planet who has a bit of a hippi look, but I still wish I could sit and listen for 2 hours once a week--and learn of his wisdom. I've been taught things about relationships from the church my whole life. But it took a nonmember to teach me in another way- a way that made sense to me--how to be a good person, specifically in relationships with family and close friends. He helped me really understand that most  of the time, if there's a problem... it's probably me. And that if I want a problem fixed in a relationship, I can't just tell someone else how to be better or what to do, I have to start with me, because I'm the only one who can control any real changing. So I changed. I started to see family members and friends with a different set of eyes. I started to see them better as children of God. I stopped resisting and I sincerely changed inside. I still have a long way to go- but I've already seen how because I changed, others can change. And maybe they were always good- I just couldn't see it. yep, probably so.

So, as other life events have occurred since those happenings, and since I've been pregnant, (thus making me more sensitive) it all wraps up into learning that major lesson. There's NO SENSE IN BARKIN AT WHAT YA CAN'T SEE. 99% of the time you won't know what the other person is dealing with. Even if they sit down and y'all have a good, deep, well-communicated discussion about a problem in the relationship, you'll still never be able to jump into their mind, see and feel their true perspective, and understand them right down to the core. Only Heavenly Father understands us like that. He knows every experience we've had. He knows every lie we've told, and every good deed gone unnoticed. He knows how our life's events shape our understanding and He understands why we choose the choices we make. Thank goodness that He does. And thank goodness His Son understands all the hurt, pain, and brokenness we all feel at some point or another.

Last summer, my hubby and I were swimming up at his parent's pool. A bunch of our nieces and nephews were there, and clash, bang, boom, however it happened one of the little girls got hurt. She got out and went to her own corner and just cried. This happened more than once that particular day, and each time I went over to console and encourage her to get back in and play. My husband's first response was that I was teaching her to be a baby. His opinion at the time was that she was doing it on purpose for attention. On our way home, I actually had some good advice that I should've applied more throughout my life but sometimes we even forget our own advice...I said, "But ya know what? She was crying. And whether it was for attention or not we won't know. But she was crying. She was showing us that in some way she was hurting. Maybe it was that she wanted attention! Maybe it was that she wasn't really physically hurting at all! But my efforts to console still worked whether it was for physical or emotional pain she was dealing with. And that's all I care about" He agreed...:) Cuz I have an awesome husband who listens very well and teaches me life lessons all the time too.

Isn't that the truth though? I hear people (including myself) accusing "so&so" of not really being in pain. Accusing them of maybe being a hypochondriac. Accusing them of the same thing- attention seeking. And the truth is, maybe that applies for some people. But aren't they still calling out for help? Aren't they still telling the world that they are in pain? Even if it's technically not actually physical? Yes! And so why should we withhold our love because we think we know all and they deserve  to be ignored since they're just attention-seeking. I chose at that moment last summer, to not assume that people were lying about their pain level. I chose to not take on that judgment because it's too big for me to take. I'll let Heavenly Father judge and I'll just keep trying to console. Again, this is a life lesson I'm still working on, but one that impacted me for good.

I could go on forever about how this applies to our lives. But I won't. I hope I summed up my point so i can learn from it again. There's no sense in barkin' at what ya can't see. There's no point in reacting badly to things we don't understand, or making hard-fast judgments on people when we'll never really know what's on the inside. If we could see all, as our Heavenly Father does, then maybe we'd have a valid point to make regarding someone else and their imperfections. But are any of us ready for that? No. It takes more than a lifetime to become like our Heavenly Father. We have to learn from him first, and when we have finally become like Him, and when we have the Savior right there with us teaching us the way, I think our judgments would be a lot different than what they are now. So don't waste the energy barking just yet, obtain His word first--and then you can start teaching it. I sure thank my Heavenly Father for still trying to teach me even though I fail so often and don't always grow the way I ought to from the lessons taught. Hopefully I can use this one and try to move forward and be better.