Wednesday, July 25, 2012

It's A Girl!!!

I would post pics, but we are having minor issues with that at the if i get the pics from the ultrasound I will post them. We are very excited! Colten's been wanting a boy, but he is, like me, very happy to bring this little girl into our family. Besides, Colten has Kojo. :) Finally I can start decorating, buying cute stuff, etc...

It was awesome to actually see her heartbeat, and not just hear it. It was cool to see her wiggle all around :) Sometimes it hits me that this is real, and sometimes I can't quite imagine it all. But seeing my little girl actually there inside me, wow, just wow. how amazing. It boggles my mind. And warms my heart. All at the same time. The ultrasound tech said she was almost a pound and 9 inches long. (I'm thinking, she didn't get my body type, she got Colten's! haha) He said she is healthy, a little on the skinny side, but lookin good. :)

For the first time--a lady asked me if I was expecting. Lucky for her, I am :) haha.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012


I'm currently reading, "The Gift of Giving Life." It is good. I will probably share my thoughts on it a lot.

But I just started it, so not too many thoughts quite yet.

Pregnancy has made me a lot more sensitive. Sensitivity has increased in all of the following areas: physical sensitivity--to food and/or anything too physically strenuous; emotional sensitivity---I was told that this was something that American women had been "conditioned" to believe, so they blame pregnancy for acting ridiculously and crying all the time----I basically replied that that was bull crap. :) more on that later... spiritual sensitivity---Going to the temple means that much more, my yearning for the scriptures has increased (although I still struggle to actually sit and study and this is why I'm in Young Women--scriptures were the topic of the lesson on sunday) my heart just seems to be more sensitive, and I think I'm able to listen to the spirit stronger which makes me have that much more faith that there is a Heavenly Father aware of the child growing within me, and despite my imperfections- He wants me to make the best choices for her/him. I'm grateful for that.

On the subject of emotional sensitivity: (venting, watch out)
When you were pregnant, (if you ever have been) were you 100% emotionally stable all the time?
Were you capable of controlling yourself in every situation despite how much it hurt/terrified/frustrated you?

If so, what pill are you taking? Can I have one?

Just kidding, that wouldn't fly with my midwife. :)

I am not saying that I cry everyday, because I don't. In fact, compared to most women I've been known to be much less of a 'cryer.' When you sing in front of people, you have to learn to turn off that thing inside that starts the tears. You still want to convey every bit of emotion you can in every song, but you have to actually sing the song not whine or blubber it. Thus I learned how to control that switch inside of me....then I got pregnant.

Again, I haven't cried that much still, but I have found that dumber things affect me more emotionally than before- and they are things that I could have handled just fine normally. I have found that once the tears actually reach the surface, even if logically I KNOW that what caused the tears is ridiculous- it takes me waaayyyyy longer to find the off switch. For example, the first time I knew there was something different about me emotionally was when I was much earlier in my pregnancy (i dont think i blogged this before...but if so sorry) and I was walking along and I stubbed my toe. For goodness sakes, I just stubbed my toe. It wasn't broken, it wasn't separated from my foot, it was just accidentally propelled too quickly into a wooden stool. And yet, I bawled. Colten was there to witness the whole thing. I started crying, and immediately started laughing really hard but tears were somehow still coming!!! I blubbered through my snot and wet face exclaiming, "why can't I stop crying! it didn't even hurt that bad! what's going on!" Colten and I both were a little freaked out. I finally did stop crying. But it took way longer.

I had another little incident where my opinionated little self dished it out but couldn't take it back. I had to leave the room and let my sorrows release--for like an hour. This didn't happen at work, but it surprised me because of situations I've been in at work that were far more emotionally intense but yet I didn't even shed a tear. I'm talking yelling, I'm talking criticism, I'm talking very open communication at it's finest, (because I was the only female manager at one time) and I handled it all like a champ! At least at the workplace I did, I complained...a smidge...once I would get home. haha... But anyway,

Long explanation later, I KNOW I have not been "told" or "conditioned" or made to believe that I would be more emotionally sensitive when I got pregnant. I do believe there are women out there who probably handle  things better. And correct me if I'm wrong but I'm quite sure pregnancy is totally different for each individual woman here in America, and in every country around the world. I don't believe that this emotional change is just in America either. I'm not all knowledgeable on the subject or anything, but I do believe that the emotional change comes from actual physical and chemical changes in the body. I could probably google that... but anyway. I just wanted to hear your experiences, and confirm that I'm not the only one who has had little moments of craziness.

If in fact, for some reason, it is just an American cultural thing-----it's probably due to nutrition. Cuz apparently as a country we really suck at that. And if that's the case, I don't wanna hear it, because I've already explained my current issues with food numerous times. So, we're just gonna stick to the idea that it's universal mmmmmk? :) mmmmk.

Monday, July 9, 2012


Well, I pretty much have to shove my face with food continually. Co-workers have even commented that I eat a lot more now (don't worry, I work with lots of teenage boys I wasn't offended I laughed pretty hard actually). Even my hubby is like, what? we just ate! haha. Haven't gained weight yet... gonna ask my midwife about that on wednesday. My stomach is getting bigger though, a lot bigger. people ARE noticing.... family members have mentioned I am now showing, which is fine because they know i'm pregnant. It's only awkward when people who I'm not sure know look me up and down like, "is she just getting fat? or is she pregnant?" haha. It's all good though. I am officially 17 weeks along now. I could find out what I'm having any day. BUT, I'm gonna wait a few more weeks. I want that ultra-sound tech to be 100 percent absolutely as positive as positive can be on what gender baby is. I realize that most of the time they get it right these days. But my midwife just delivered a baby a few weeks ago that was supposed to be a boy...and it was a girl. That would be fine with me if this were my second because I would already have a good selection of baby clothes and such. But because this is my first, whatever gender baby is will cause me to be swarmed with either pink or blue and thus if he comes out as a she or vice versa, sammy will be still incredibly happy but a smidge...idk can you really be angry about it? guess not, but maybe a bit annoyed...

If I'm having a girl, I want to try to pass on that I want to do her room in oranges and yellows (and maybe some blue) instead of pink. Pink is fine and dandy, but it's never been my top favorite color of choice. But, if I still get swarmed with pink and purple I'm quite sure she will look absolutely adorable and I won't care.  If it's a boy, I'm gonna shoot for dark blue, his room will be tan and dark blue, and the deer antlers will stay in their place :) haha.

On more serious notes:

I'm pregnant. When did I grow up? Anyone feel this? I'm gonna be a mom! What a blessing, but also how intimidating! I'm so excited, but a little overwhelmed and I'm not even quite halfway, I almost am, but wow. It's mind blowing. I think we're ready, but then sometimes I think I'm so not ready for this! Even though I am so so sure this is the right time, there are moments I just think, "how will everything work out!?" I know it will though. I've just never done this before! I don't know what to expect! I do know that the Fall/Winter season is looking more appealing than ever. I do know that I'm glad more of an appetite is back inside of me. I do know Colten is gonna be a great dad, and that the Lord is watching over us helping us every step of the way.