Last week I should've moved to Tahiti, and left someone else to deal with what I experienced. But, then I guess the Lord would've given me other experiences to teach me similar lessons...so just as long as I don't have a repeat that'll be great.
On Monday, found out I had pink eye. Got a sore throat within a few hours, and had a fever throughout that night and barely slept. Went to InstaCare on Tuesday, found out I had strep throat. Tuesday night, Broni got a crack in one of his leg bones, and long story short, we spent a few hours at the Emergency Vet. (many people would call us crazy for doing that, but my motherly instincts were not about to allow my puppy to cry all through the night just to see if he'd be better in the morning, so we did what was best for him)
So, then I couldn't go to work, because of strep. So then I spent this whole week feeling a bit like a bum, but more like "why isn't my body better yet" and enjoying every moment...........sarcasm.
Every night was filled with no sleep, baths, attempts to breathe, and wishing I was asleep.
I had an ultrasound on Thursday, and I scheduled it about a month ago. I didn't need another one, but for some reason I kept feeling like I needed to make sure everything was okay in there. I was so glad I scheduled it because after finding out I had strep I REALLY wanted to make sure baby girl was okay. Good news is that she is perfectly healthy. Our ultrasound tech (who i really like--older man covered in tattoos and so chill and because he works privately now he can tell you whats wrong instead of having to wait for a doctor's permission) said she has a "beautiful spine" a "heart that has everything right in place" and "big feet".... I thought the big feet comment was weird seeing as how Colten and I both have small feet and I still shop in the kids department for footwear. So I have noooo idea where that came from.
Bad news: Baby girl is breech.
Worst case scenario: she stays breech and I get the complete opposite birthing experience from everything I have planned and dreamed of--a C-section. This would be heartbreaking. I don't want to be on any form of medication when delivering, and so going in for surgery is kindof an obvious no thanks. I mean yes, I can't say totally that the no pain thing would be horrible, but the extensive pain from healing afterward is also what I did not want. I do not want my head behind a tarp in an operating room knowing that someone is cutting me open, and then bringing baby around the tarp so I can see her, but then taking her away. Seriously the idea just makes me want to cry...for a really long time. I was a C-section baby, and I don't feel less bonded with my mom, or like I missed out in any way since my head didn't get shoved down a birth canal. But the more I study natural birth, the more I want that for me and my baby. And I want my baby to come into this world NOT by C-section.
However: #1: I want my baby to be safe. If that means for me to sacrifice a bit more, by sacrificing the birth that I want, so that she can come here safely, then obviously that is what I choose.
However #2: I still have about 4-6 weeks before it becomes crunch time. Thus she has plenty of time to decide to be a righteous baby and turn instead of being rebellious and sitting on my bladder.
However #3: I can't blame her too much, I didn't want to sit on my head either. Nor did I want my head pushed through a pelvis. I was rebellious. I was breech. Can I be angry with my daughter for wanting the same thing? No....
I knew I needed an ultrasound. Not that my midwife wouldn't have noticed the same thing, but I think its good that my mind wander to the real possibility of not having the birth go exactly how I planned. That way if it doesn't, it'll be less of a hit. I will never want a C-section. I don't know if anyone does though? Maybe they do. But ultimately I can only do so much to try to get baby girl to turn, and if she really doesn't want to I'll have to get her here the safest way possible.
On another note, I think I may delete this blog. I think maybe i'll finish out this year, essentially to the birth of baby girl, and then I'm gonna let the mysteries of life and all of our adventures stay in our family. It's been a long time comin... but yeah, I think that's what I want to do.
Monday, October 1, 2012
I hate that the girl at Subway was trained well. I ordered a foot-long sandwich because I'm pregnant and constantly need large amounts of food. And although I was not planning on getting anything else, she just had to ask,
"Any cookies, chips, or drinks to go with this tonight?"
My thoughts: Nooooooo, but since you just had to say the word cookie, and you happen to have them conveniently displayed right in front of me right next to the register....and because I know how amazing Subway cookies can taste...and because you said the word cookie............................
What I said: "Yes, a chocolate chip cookie please"
We picked a name, but we're NOT telling anyone just yet. I don't want anyone's opinion. Colten came up with it, I liked it. It's actually a name I had to double check with my sister on, because she wanted it for her baby girl one day, but that day may be far away, and so for some reason it's seeming to fit. We still haven't figured out a middle name 100% but we've got ideas. :) Hopefully this one will totally stick.