Thursday, March 28, 2013

latest song writing

I wrote a song in my head as I was getting dressed this morning. It, like the poem a few posts ago, was inspired by my daughter whom I love and adore---and who has changed my life in more ways than one. As you read the lyrics, since I can't sing you the tune on here, I want you to make up your own tune, in the saddest country twang ya can think up. mmk? mmmk.

Oh and then afterward, you need to go to youtube and listen to "One's On the Way" by Loretta Lynn.

I'm probly gonna git spit-up on, today
I'm probly gonna git spit-up on, today

Better wear a lose, old shirt
Instead of poop maybe people will think its dirt

I'll still probly git spit up on, today
I'm probly gonna git spit up on, today

Lets try em' on, Oh those jeans still don't fit,
And that makes me feel like.......crap

And I'll probly git spit up on, today
Yep, I'll probly git spit up on, today

Maybe I could wear two shirts, instead of one
Take off the first one when its done

After I get spit up on today,
Cuz I'm sure I'll git spit up on, today

I love my job, Yes, I love my job
It's called bein' a mom

It requires no references
and no previous work experience

It pays in giggles, diapers, and love
And some say it's heaven's work from above
It just requires, a lot of laundry done
Because You're probably gonna git
Spit Up, On. 

Friday, March 22, 2013

More stuff that only a few of you will want to read through.

which is ok with me.

first off, camry is doing great. she giggled for the first time two nights ago :) the Dr. said she's not normal...and he meant it in a good way :) woot woot! every mom wants to say their child is brilliant, haha but no she is doing wonderfully-- i love being a mom. Colten says, "post more pictures!!" well, can't find the cord for my camera to hook up to the computer. were so high-tech i know. so i'm putting up one pic from my phone that was from the night she giggled. oh how i love my baby girl.

isn't that the cutest chubalub smile ya ever did see?

So can I get on a different subject for a minute?
Another shpill from me....

I don't understand the whole 'offended' thing. I don't understand it in any situation. I'm not talking a church thing necessarily, i'm just talking in general.

How do you get across to people that being offended, getting offended, and staying offended only hurts the person holding on to the offense? Think if all of us could just expect others to say things they didn't mean negatively...if we all expected each other to make mistakes, and create misunderstandings? It seems like if we did that, maybe 'being offended' would be nearly non-existent. What good does it do to walk around being angry? Why do we all hold each other to some standard that says---'you have to know everything about me so don't say anything that might hurt my feelings and you should have absolute proper manners so don't be impolite and you must be perfect because clearly i'm perfect so if you're not then i'm gonna get upset'

before i continue let me clarify two things:
1- No, I am not in some mystery situation that I'm vaguely alluding to online because I cannot deal with relationship problems face to face. No, that is what facebook is for. This is just me blurting out my feelings on the subject of offensiveness because I do see it, it does happen, and I'm sick and tired of it. Also, this was not brought on by anyone so do not do exactly what I'm talking about and get worried that someone offended me, or that I'm trying to offend you, those kind of thoughts are in fact what did bring about this post.
2- I'm not saying we all should walk around and act like idiots and expect everyone else to appreciate it. No, we should try to be polite, kind, loving, and all the good things that are and will be. But, I am saying that there was only one perfect person. And the only thing we can expect out of each other is 'doing our best' and we ought to know quite well by now that 'our best' and everyone else's 'best' falls short sometimes. So, we then should let go of the offenses that come and go.

maybe one more thing to clarify:
3-when I describe offenses, i'm talking about relatively small issues. In my understanding of being offended typically they are always relatively small issues. But do not mistake me by interpreting it to mean actual huge hurtful things that human beings do to one another. I don't think I need to make a list of the differences between the two for understanding-I just hope ya get what I mean. (but small and large offenses and hurtful things can be deleted by forgiveness...)

I've found a pattern in relationships. I wish I was good with graphics because I would try to draw it up.
If we choose to live our lives delicately---as in, our emotions/self efficacy/self concepts are delicately laced along the tips of our sleeves, guess what will happen? your lil' lace theres gonna git caught on somethin'!!
And lace is very hard to put back together once torn up, and lace is hard to untangle from a rose bush, and lace is, let's face it, just really delicate! So, if we have set our lace out there for everyone to destroy, we will get offended. Probably more than once. And it's probably going to be hard to put ourselves back together, and it's probably going to be hard to get over what happened.

Typically, (in my uneducated opinion) people who live like this deal with a lot more anxiety. They question themselves constantly about what do I say? What do I do in this situation? And as others catch on to their delicacy, they too start to worry about how to act, what to say, and how to respond for fear that they may entangle themselves in one big lace offense. I'll tell ya right now, maybe one reason I understand this is because I've been there. I've been delicate-lace-emotion-sammy, and i've also walked on eggshells around people for fear that I might prick them with an unintended thorn. Both sides are hard. Both are stupid. So why do we do it?

There is no good reason. Some would say, "but, but, she said this to me! and then she did THAT!" Well, those are both unfortunate circumstances, but how about we let it go and move on? 

We ought to live in a world where we expect each other to be loving. And when someone says something unloving we ought to act how Christ would have acted. We ought to love them in return, and try to teach by example and word when moved upon by the spirit to do so. I don't like the phrase "kill em' with kindness" why? Because it has the word kill in it which denotes a long list of revengeful reasons for treating someone with kindness and that's not really kindness at all now is it?

Real love for others is not easily swayed by an unintended unkind phrase. Moroni 7:45 says
45 And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

So why do people walk around professing kindness, charity, and love, and expect everyone else to be at their level BUT when someone unintentionally offends all of a sudden it's okay to be angry because they know what love is and so the other person should understand it perfectly too and since they clearly don't--then we get upset? Did I portray the irony correctly?  In other words, when we are easily offended, I am gonna come right out and say that we do not understand love the way we should. Love and Forgiveness may be two different words, in an imperfect English language, but they are permanently connected in their divine creation. They cannot truly be separated.

D&C 64:10
10 I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.

Of us it is required to forgive all men. 

D&C 112:11
11 I know thy heart, and have heard thy prayers concerning thy brethren. Be not partial towards them in love above many others, but let thy love be for them as for thyself; and let thy love abound unto all men, and unto all who love my name.

Let thy love abound unto all men.

Can we see a connection? I see it, and it is something I most definitely need to work on. That's why I'm putting it on my online journal. For me, I have to learn so much in life and this is a massive chunk of it. To Love and Forgive all men. AND women.

When Christ hung on the cross, we know what he said to the Father. And I don't know about you, but everytime I hear it it hits me with the same power as it did the first time I heard and understood it's meaning.

Luke 23:34

"Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do."

If the people who crucified our Savior, could not understand who He was and could not understand that He meant only to teach, heal, love, lead, and establish God's kingdom (and bring about the Atonement and a whole lot of other things) THEN how dare we expect our neighbor to understand us so perfectly that they don't offend us (especially) unintentionally?

The Son of God walked among them, he wrought miracles and went about doing good his entire mortal ministry. And yet, people still called him horrible things, they still accused him of being the opposite of all that He was. And yet, even after all they did to him physically, spiritually, and emotionally, He asked that they be forgiven, because he loved them, and loves us and He knew they did not understand. 

So maybe I can phrase my questions differently. What if we walked around with that kind of understanding for those around us? The kind of understanding that Christ had? How would it change our interactions? our expectations? Our conversations? Our love for our brothers and sisters? 

I think maybe we ought to try. 

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Before the night is through, I just have to say...

brownies + milk = delicious.

chocolate chip cookies + milk = classically wonderful.


Oreos, oh precious oreos...they really are milk's favorite cookie.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Life Ponderings

When someone passes on, it makes ya think. It's bound to do so. It makes ya ponder life. And at a funeral a few years ago I had a thought... an unrealistic but nice thought...

What if we get some sort of extra points in heaven for the people on earth who loved us? Not the # of people, and certainly not the measurement of tears cried at our funeral, but for those certain people, maybe there were only a few, but inside of the hearts of those few individuals, can their love for us somehow help us out in the long run?

Here's what brought on this thought. There are wonderful people who pass on, and at their funerals they are said to have lived what seems like practically perfect lives. What about those people whose funerals you think no one will go to? Maybe those mass murderers, those abusers, those....well you know the kind. Maybe those folks didn't get a funeral...but do they get any extra points for maybe their moms, or even a friend they met in prison, just someone.

If we choose to live our lives so that we seem to be better at losing friends then making them, then what about the one friend we did have? right? Even if it took a lifetime --- 300 people met and only 1 ends up actually being a friend, do we get some sort of lift up because at least in one instance we were able to learn how to love?

I don't know, but I do know that every person, even the ones who have gone down in history as the most evil of beings known to mankind, they have been loved. If they made it to adulthood with a relatively solid head on their shoulders, then somebody took the time to get them there. Someone had to nurse them, and love them as a baby. Babies who are not loved do not survive. Someone had to get them through childhood, at least long enough to teach them to fend for themselves. Maybe there are some people who truly never gave love in any form- not even for a fraction of a second during the short time we are here on earth. But maybe if we, if only one person, could still choose to love them, maybe it could benefit them after this life.

Here's another thought, maybe that one tiny shred of love doesn't 'win us points' persay, but maybe it has some magical affect on the heart of another person----like it shoots out and sticks to the heart of another even if they didn't want it to, and then after this life, all those little stickers are brought to remembrance---maybe all the stickers are laid out on the table--- and then at that time maybe that person will choose a willingness to learn how to love. And again, maybe there are human beings who won't shoot out any love stickers because they just don't know how. But I guess I'm saying, even though we can't force anyone to do anything...isn't love the closest thing to having the power to make someone do something? Because I know there are countless stories of people being changed by love. Even the people who are looked upon by others as useless scum, there is a chance of them being changed by love.

I know that the Atonement is real---and it IS the power to change people. And it is completely--and utterly---and through and through---love at it's ultimate strength. I know that Christ never looked upon the wicked as useless scum, no, he just said Come Unto Me. No matter who you are, no matter what you've done. He just said "Come Unto Me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest" (matt.11:28) if no one else will love you, or cry at your funeral, or shoot you any love stickers for your heart, "I will give you rest". 

And I do know, that  not only did Christ ask us to Come Unto Him, he asked us in John 21 to Feed His Sheep. "Feed My Sheep" If you love me. So what happens really, how does the whole pattern work?
Even if no one else loves us, Christ does. He gave enough "love stickers" for everyone. When I say everyone, I'm not talking small--I'm not talking enough for the community you live in. Not the country you love in. But enough for everyone in the whole world. So some of us are blessed to know that in this lifetime. We get the blessing of the knowledge of our Savior. Too many don't get that privilege in this life. But that's what's amazing about the changing that occurs because of the love the Savior has for us. If we know about this love, if we strive to understand it, feel it, and gain a testimony of it, then we feel a change. It is a powerful change. And hopefully, the next part of the pattern is that you want to feed his sheep, you desire it with your whole soul. Because a love so powerful cannot be selfishly kept inside of one person---if it is, then it is not understood. This love motivates you to help others change, and feel the love you felt when you learned of the Savior's love for you.

And maybe, when we ponder the lives of others, even if they have passed on, maybe we can shoot them a few love stickers. maybe those love stickers can shoot through time, through different lifetimes. And maybe they can still cause changes. So that even if someone didn't understand love on earth, they can start feeling it and understanding it in heaven. And maybe.......just maybe....they can shoot love stickers back to us.

Just a thought.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Crazy Dreams y'all. part 1

I have thee craziest dreams of anyone I know. And I remember them so well it's scary. The night before last I had a crazy/cool dream which just may be turning into the first book I write. Not joking. It was that intense, I really think I might write a book. I told my idea and my dream to colten and he thought it would be good, but he told me not to become a hermit. Because hermits and writers are two in the same.........? ....silly hubby. I love him. He just doesn't want a crazy wife, but he's forgetting that he already got a crazy wife:)

So, I had another dream last night (maybe this morning?) that might be kindof a laugh. I won't go into every detail, or at least I'll try not to, but this was a legit dream. Felt like another version of Beauty and the which I played the role of the "beauty" but Then at the end the beauty became Kristin whatsherface from twilight...dangit. I'm not a fan of her acting, so if this ever turns into a movie, she's not gonna be in it. Anyway,

So, it starts out that I was at Colten's parent's house on a Sunday afternoon. This particular Sunday, Colten and I were in a tiff, and the whole family was arguing about something? and I couldn't handle the tension anymore so I left. I accidentally left my cellphone, but I wasn't planning on going too far so I wasn't worried. I just walked out the door, went down the hill and walked into the Diner that just happened to be conveniently placed behind my house. I decided that even though it was Sunday I was going to be a rebel and spend $2.53 on a chocolate milkshake with reese's peanut butter cups in it. (the There was a lady who took my order, but the "cook" was standing right behind her and he said he would make it. He was a tall, dark, good-looking type, and he brought my shake to my table. He then proceeded to pull out a chair next to me and I thought oh boy fella, you're settin' yourself up for a shut down here I'm happily married I'm just in a tiff with hubby but all will be well soon. Well, just before he said anything I saw flashing lights and realized the police were now up at my in-laws and I knew they were probably looking for me. So I told the strange cook that they were lookin' for me and that I better leave and he said,

"You're never leaving this Diner again."


So, fast forward past useless details and parts of the dream that made no sense whatsoever, to the part where it somewhat connects again.
Crazy diner dude has now taken me to an abandoned schoolhouse in which there are scientists and crazy people figuring out how to turn good-looking Diner guy (who was actually already muscular) into a very strong beast. Outside the school I could hear and see people looking for me. I saw Camry, and in my dream she was probably 5 or 6 years old. For some reason, her and her friends decided to come into the schoolhouse....(BAD IDEA CHILDREN BAD IDEA) I found them in an old classroom, that had lots of fun things on the walls still, but there was a curtain in the middle of the room. I knew what was behind the curtain, but couldn't tell them quick enough before one of them looked. It was a body laying on a operating table, and don't ask me why it was there because it never came back into the story....haha but anyway I then told the girls to get out of the school now, and just as they got away a man came and grabbed me and took me back to wherever they were keeping me.

I guess I was the victim in this story, thats funny considering my last post ...

Anyway, so now it had become time that crazy man was going to be turned into a beast. I knew that I would have to stay with him forever, and I didn't want to, (for obvious reasons) but I knew that if he would at least stay human, maybe I could live a little longer. Even though he wanted me to stay with him, I knew if he turned into a beast he would kill me because pretty much all beasts are uncontrollable. So, right before they did the human-turning-beast serum...I tried to convince him to stay human. But he musta not loved me that much cuz he sure as heck didn't listen.

This is the part where I was now watching this occur as a movie, and the victim was Kristin/Bella and she hid herself in the bottom of a dresser of drawers. (which is why i think i made someone else do this part...) and the beast followed her scent to the dresser but couldnt figure out that she was inside so he threw the dresser out the window, and to everyone's surprise the dresser provided the much needed protection for the fall, and now I was me again and because camry had told everyone where i was, they were out there ready to save me.

Next time, I think I'll just stick with Sunday dinner.