first off, camry is doing great. she giggled for the first time two nights ago :) the Dr. said she's not normal...and he meant it in a good way :) woot woot! every mom wants to say their child is brilliant, haha but no she is doing wonderfully-- i love being a mom. Colten says, "post more pictures!!" well, can't find the cord for my camera to hook up to the computer. were so high-tech i know. so i'm putting up one pic from my phone that was from the night she giggled. oh how i love my baby girl.
So can I get on a different subject for a minute?
Another shpill from me....
I don't understand the whole 'offended' thing. I don't understand it in any situation. I'm not talking a church thing necessarily, i'm just talking in general.
How do you get across to people that being offended, getting offended, and staying offended only hurts the person holding on to the offense? Think if all of us could just expect others to say things they didn't mean negatively...if we all expected each other to make mistakes, and create misunderstandings? It seems like if we did that, maybe 'being offended' would be nearly non-existent. What good does it do to walk around being angry? Why do we all hold each other to some standard that says---'you have to know everything about me so don't say anything that might hurt my feelings and you should have absolute proper manners so don't be impolite and you must be perfect because clearly i'm perfect so if you're not then i'm gonna get upset'
before i continue let me clarify two things:
1- No, I am not in some mystery situation that I'm vaguely alluding to online because I cannot deal with relationship problems face to face. No, that is what facebook is for. This is just me blurting out my feelings on the subject of offensiveness because I do see it, it does happen, and I'm sick and tired of it. Also, this was not brought on by anyone so do not do exactly what I'm talking about and get worried that someone offended me, or that I'm trying to offend you, those kind of thoughts are in fact what did bring about this post.
2- I'm not saying we all should walk around and act like idiots and expect everyone else to appreciate it. No, we should try to be polite, kind, loving, and all the good things that are and will be. But, I am saying that there was only one perfect person. And the only thing we can expect out of each other is 'doing our best' and we ought to know quite well by now that 'our best' and everyone else's 'best' falls short sometimes. So, we then should let go of the offenses that come and go.
maybe one more thing to clarify:
3-when I describe offenses, i'm talking about relatively small issues. In my understanding of being offended typically they are always relatively small issues. But do not mistake me by interpreting it to mean actual huge hurtful things that human beings do to one another. I don't think I need to make a list of the differences between the two for understanding-I just hope ya get what I mean. (but small and large offenses and hurtful things can be deleted by forgiveness...)
I've found a pattern in relationships. I wish I was good with graphics because I would try to draw it up.
If we choose to live our lives delicately---as in, our emotions/self efficacy/self concepts are delicately laced along the tips of our sleeves, guess what will happen? your lil' lace theres gonna git caught on somethin'!!
And lace is very hard to put back together once torn up, and lace is hard to untangle from a rose bush, and lace is, let's face it, just really delicate! So, if we have set our lace out there for everyone to destroy, we will get offended. Probably more than once. And it's probably going to be hard to put ourselves back together, and it's probably going to be hard to get over what happened.
Typically, (in my uneducated opinion) people who live like this deal with a lot more anxiety. They question themselves constantly about what do I say? What do I do in this situation? And as others catch on to their delicacy, they too start to worry about how to act, what to say, and how to respond for fear that they may entangle themselves in one big lace offense. I'll tell ya right now, maybe one reason I understand this is because I've been there. I've been delicate-lace-emotion-sammy, and i've also walked on eggshells around people for fear that I might prick them with an unintended thorn. Both sides are hard. Both are stupid. So why do we do it?
There is no good reason. Some would say, "but, but, she said this to me! and then she did THAT!" Well, those are both unfortunate circumstances, but how about we let it go and move on?
We ought to live in a world where we expect each other to be loving. And when someone says something unloving we ought to act how Christ would have acted. We ought to love them in return, and try to teach by example and word when moved upon by the spirit to do so. I don't like the phrase "kill em' with kindness" why? Because it has the word kill in it which denotes a long list of revengeful reasons for treating someone with kindness and that's not really kindness at all now is it?
Real love for others is not easily swayed by an unintended unkind phrase. Moroni 7:45 says
45 And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
So why do people walk around professing kindness, charity, and love, and expect everyone else to be at their level BUT when someone unintentionally offends all of a sudden it's okay to be angry because they know what love is and so the other person should understand it perfectly too and since they clearly don't--then we get upset? Did I portray the irony correctly? In other words, when we are easily offended, I am gonna come right out and say that we do not understand love the way we should. Love and Forgiveness may be two different words, in an imperfect English language, but they are permanently connected in their divine creation. They cannot truly be separated.
D&C 64:10
10 I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.
Of us it is required to forgive all men.
D&C 112:11
11 I know thy heart, and have heard thy prayers concerning thy brethren. Be not partial towards them in love above many others, but let thy love be for them as for thyself; and let thy love abound unto all men, and unto all who love my name.
Let thy love abound unto all men.
Can we see a connection? I see it, and it is something I most definitely need to work on. That's why I'm putting it on my online journal. For me, I have to learn so much in life and this is a massive chunk of it. To Love and Forgive all men. AND women.
When Christ hung on the cross, we know what he said to the Father. And I don't know about you, but everytime I hear it it hits me with the same power as it did the first time I heard and understood it's meaning.
Luke 23:34
"Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do."
If the people who crucified our Savior, could not understand who He was and could not understand that He meant only to teach, heal, love, lead, and establish God's kingdom (and bring about the Atonement and a whole lot of other things) THEN how dare we expect our neighbor to understand us so perfectly that they don't offend us (especially) unintentionally?
The Son of God walked among them, he wrought miracles and went about doing good his entire mortal ministry. And yet, people still called him horrible things, they still accused him of being the opposite of all that He was. And yet, even after all they did to him physically, spiritually, and emotionally, He asked that they be forgiven, because he loved them, and loves us and He knew they did not understand.
So maybe I can phrase my questions differently. What if we walked around with that kind of understanding for those around us? The kind of understanding that Christ had? How would it change our interactions? our expectations? Our conversations? Our love for our brothers and sisters?
I think maybe we ought to try.
1 comment:
amen, lady. amen.
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