Thoughts

I'm currently reading, "The Gift of Giving Life." It is good. I will probably share my thoughts on it a lot.

But I just started it, so not too many thoughts quite yet.

Pregnancy has made me a lot more sensitive. Sensitivity has increased in all of the following areas: physical sensitivity--to food and/or anything too physically strenuous; emotional sensitivity---I was told that this was something that American women had been "conditioned" to believe, so they blame pregnancy for acting ridiculously and crying all the time----I basically replied that that was bull crap. :) more on that later... spiritual sensitivity---Going to the temple means that much more, my yearning for the scriptures has increased (although I still struggle to actually sit and study and this is why I'm in Young Women--scriptures were the topic of the lesson on sunday) my heart just seems to be more sensitive, and I think I'm able to listen to the spirit stronger which makes me have that much more faith that there is a Heavenly Father aware of the child growing within me, and despite my imperfections- He wants me to make the best choices for her/him. I'm grateful for that.

On the subject of emotional sensitivity: (venting, watch out)
When you were pregnant, (if you ever have been) were you 100% emotionally stable all the time?
Were you capable of controlling yourself in every situation despite how much it hurt/terrified/frustrated you?

If so, what pill are you taking? Can I have one?

Just kidding, that wouldn't fly with my midwife. :)

I am not saying that I cry everyday, because I don't. In fact, compared to most women I've been known to be much less of a 'cryer.' When you sing in front of people, you have to learn to turn off that thing inside that starts the tears. You still want to convey every bit of emotion you can in every song, but you have to actually sing the song not whine or blubber it. Thus I learned how to control that switch inside of me....then I got pregnant.

Again, I haven't cried that much still, but I have found that dumber things affect me more emotionally than before- and they are things that I could have handled just fine normally. I have found that once the tears actually reach the surface, even if logically I KNOW that what caused the tears is ridiculous- it takes me waaayyyyy longer to find the off switch. For example, the first time I knew there was something different about me emotionally was when I was much earlier in my pregnancy (i dont think i blogged this before...but if so sorry) and I was walking along and I stubbed my toe. For goodness sakes, I just stubbed my toe. It wasn't broken, it wasn't separated from my foot, it was just accidentally propelled too quickly into a wooden stool. And yet, I bawled. Colten was there to witness the whole thing. I started crying, and immediately started laughing really hard but tears were somehow still coming!!! I blubbered through my snot and wet face exclaiming, "why can't I stop crying! it didn't even hurt that bad! what's going on!" Colten and I both were a little freaked out. I finally did stop crying. But it took way longer.

I had another little incident where my opinionated little self dished it out but couldn't take it back. I had to leave the room and let my sorrows release--for like an hour. This didn't happen at work, but it surprised me because of situations I've been in at work that were far more emotionally intense but yet I didn't even shed a tear. I'm talking yelling, I'm talking criticism, I'm talking very open communication at it's finest, (because I was the only female manager at one time) and I handled it all like a champ! At least at the workplace I did, I complained...a smidge...once I would get home. haha... But anyway,

Long explanation later, I KNOW I have not been "told" or "conditioned" or made to believe that I would be more emotionally sensitive when I got pregnant. I do believe there are women out there who probably handle  things better. And correct me if I'm wrong but I'm quite sure pregnancy is totally different for each individual woman here in America, and in every country around the world. I don't believe that this emotional change is just in America either. I'm not all knowledgeable on the subject or anything, but I do believe that the emotional change comes from actual physical and chemical changes in the body. I could probably google that... but anyway. I just wanted to hear your experiences, and confirm that I'm not the only one who has had little moments of craziness.

If in fact, for some reason, it is just an American cultural thing-----it's probably due to nutrition. Cuz apparently as a country we really suck at that. And if that's the case, I don't wanna hear it, because I've already explained my current issues with food numerous times. So, we're just gonna stick to the idea that it's universal mmmmmk? :) mmmmk.