Sacrifice and blessings.

*old post that I wasn't sure about posting, and now I feel like putting it up.

I've been meaning to put up more pics of my sweet and adorable camry. and I promise I will. But there's this thing inside of me that has to literarily release my thoughts every once in a while. And something happened recently that has driven me to this point, the point where I grab the computer and just start typing.

Recently I was in a class where a quote was shared, (which I now have memorized, but so as to not offend I will not repeat it) that was false doctrine at it's finest. It was not from a General Authority--which is why I feel bold enough to call it false doctrine.

I don't profess to know everything about the gospel. In fact my faith is bigger than a mustard seed, but I sometimes feel as if my knowledge of the gospel might be smaller. And even though I've spent a lot of time specifically trying to study the Atonement I still feel inadequate in my understanding of it.

But I do know that it is the center of everything. Without it, or I should say, without Christ, nothing else matters. And this quote, if understood, took away the importance of the Atonement.

I will paraphrase the quote, or at least my understanding of it. It basically said that sacrifice is nonexistant if we recieved a blessing that was greater than what we sacrificed to recieve the blessing.

MMMmmmmm ponder that.

My opinion is that no matter what our sacrifices entail, our blessings will ALWAYS be greater. and if you can't see your blessings in your life, that's nobody's fault but your own. (I think the world wants us to say everything gently and not be straightforward. But on my blog I'mma have to say it straight. Because it has to be said. Even though hardly anyone reads my blog....it makes me feel better haha.)

If Job in the Bible, could still find goodness in his faith in God and if he could still trust Him to bless his life even after all of the horrible things that happened to him, then why can't we?
And D&C 122:8 "The Son of man hath descended below all things, art thou greater than he?"

And in direct response to the quote, if there's no sacrifice when our blessings are greater than what we gave, then that would mean in order to recieve "all that the Father has" we would have to sacrifice more than what we as imperfect beings can give. We would be stuck. No going forward. We would not be able to be with our Father or be given all He has because we could never be worthy of it... because on our own we are not worthy of it.

It is through Christ that we can recieve all that the Father has. It's through ordinances, like Baptism, and the ordinances we partake of in the temple, and through living our lives righteously, and partaking of the Atonement regularly, and repenting, and loving and serving our brothers and sisters. but all of those things are for naught if Christ had not atoned for the sins of the world. And if he had not the power to give us... through his grace that we might become stronger and more able to withstand  the temptations we are faced with ...then we would be too weak.

In D&C 76 we find:
50 And again we bear record—for we ^asaw and heard, and this is the ^btestimony of the ^cgospel of Christ concerning them who shall come forth in the resurrection of the ^djust—

51 They are they who received the ^atestimony of Jesus, and ^bbelieved on his name and were ^cbaptized after the ^dmanner of his burial, being ^eburied in the water in his name, and this according to the commandment which he has given—

 52 That by ^akeeping the commandments they might be ^bwashed and ^ccleansed from all their sins, and receive the Holy Spirit by the laying on of the ^dhands of him who is ^eordained and sealed unto this power;
 53 And who ^aovercome by faith, and are ^bsealed by the Holy Spirit of ^cpromise, which the Father ^dsheds forth upon all those who are just and true.
 54 They are they who are the ^achurch of the ^bFirstborn.
 55 They are they into whose hands the Father has given ^aall things—
 56 They are they who are ^apriests and ^bkings, who have received of his fulness, and of his glory;
 57 And are ^apriests of the Most High, after the order of Melchizedek, which was after the order of ^bEnoch, which was after the ^corder of the Only Begotten Son.
 58 Wherefore, as it is written, they are ^agods, even the ^bsons of ^cGod—
 59 Wherefore, ^aall things are theirs, whether life or death, or things present, or things to come, all are theirs and they are Christ’s, and Christ is God’s.
 60 And they shall ^aovercome all things.
 61 Wherefore, let no man ^aglory in man, but rather let him ^bglory in God, who shall ^csubdue all enemies under his feet.
 62 These shall ^adwell in the ^bpresence of God and his Christ forever and ever.


We don't have to do a lot to recieve it all. If we have an eternal perspective, then life's battles become much smaller and much more insignificant. My mom has said to me before, in essence, that every sacrifice we make is put on the books in heaven, and those sacrifices are not forgotten. And I was taught by very brilliant parents that when we live righteously, our Father in Heaven tends to bless us beyond what we even thought possible. I truly believe that.

And let me end with one more thought.

I feel strongly, that living righteously, if consistently done with a sincere heart and contrite spirit, does not feel like a sacrifice at all. I believe in sacrifice, and that it's real, and required, but it's weight does not always equal the weight of the blessings we receive in this life, or in the life to come. We are only required truly small sacrifices if we can see them with an eternal perspective. Some have to sacrifice more than I can imagine, and some sacrifices seem too insignificant to call sacrifices. And I believe that if I try harder to align my heart with the Savior's, and if I keep repenting and trying to become better, and if I find joy in doing so, I will see the blessings unfold----and I know this to be true because I have done this--it's a process that requires a lot of 'rinse and repeat' in it. And I've seen the blessings, over and over and over again.
So I guess what I'm saying is---When we come unto Christ, truly come unto Christ, the desires of our heart's change and become righteous desires. And the thought of sin is abhorred, and the desire to live righteously is abundant and is above all else. I feel that our prophet encompasses all that a joyful heart in a human being could be. I believe that he sacrificed along the way to get to where he is, but I believe the blessings we each can recieve will always be greater than anything we can ever give. Because that's how our Father in Heaven loves.

Please teach me if I'm wrong, but this is my understanding of the gospel, and I find that it brings me joy. But the thought of every blessing (blessings the Lord gives I find to be humblingly great) requiring an equal amount of giving in order to be called a sacrifice overwhelms me and makes me think that I would have to live like Job from this point on in order to deserve what I have already been blessed with. And I don't believe that. So hopefully you understand what I'm saying. Hopefully you too can find joy in the gospel and be comforted as you look around at the blessings in your life and realize how humbling it is. I am so beyond thankful for all I have and even if I had nothing else, the knowledge that my Savior Jesus Christ died for me, is a blessing that I will never fully comprehend, but it brings me to my knees, it brings me to church, and it brings me to the other end of the line for a friend in need---in hopes that somehow I can give a little back after all Christ gave for me...knowing full well, that I can never fully repay him, but my heart is overjoyed with what I have, and can recieve forever.

The belief of your own importance.

I realize this is a sideways, blurry, horrible photo, but there is a very serious point behind it. This morning we found this little "fortune teller" in one of the theaters after thee infamous kids shows. It had a 1,2,3, and 4 on the front four options, and then various numbers to choose from when you move the four points up or down....you know how the game works.... everyone knows how the game works. Countless times my friends or people I knew made these and we'd play with them for way too long. Well, today me and my two almost little brothers decided to try it out. After playing with it we discovered the four different possible fortunes.....

1- No true love.
2- Marry your true love.
3- You're a jerk.
4- Baby at fifteen.

WHAT?!!!!??

Those are my four options???

Never in my life do I ever remember anyone writing "baby at fifteen" as an option when I was a young girl playing with paper fortune tellers.

What is this world coming to????

This subject of the title of this post has been on my mind for a while now, and I'm sick and tired of women not thinking they are good enough.

Why do we do this to ourselves? How do we teach little girls that you either marry your true love, or there is no true love, or you must be a jerk, or you're having a baby at fifteen!!!!!!!

And why as women do we not consider ourselves to be amazing, important, vital, essential, etc....?

I heard somebody say the other day that they didn't deserve something that they just received, and when I say received I mean that I know darn well that she has worked hard to get to where she is, and that she beyond deserves what she was just blessed with. And she didn't say it out of modesty, or out of a desire for compliments, she truly----head down and all----expressed that she was undeserving of the blessing that now is part of her everyday.

I about reached across the room and slapped her.

**Newsflash** It is okay to know that you are okay. Being pleased with yourself is not a sin. Believing that you can do more than have a baby at fifteen or be a jerk does not make you proud. Believing that you are an important person, with important ideas and amazing gifts and wonderful qualities does not make you arrogant. Sometimes we perceive people with confidence as people with arrogance, and maybe they fit into that category. But you don't have to.

There is not a law of truth (refer to previous post) written stating that it is better if you think of yourself as scum because you probably are not that great, and it makes you look humble. that's RIDICULOUSNESS.

Humility and confidence can go together. They can actually be really happy together. Together they can do great things.

Women, you are special. simply just because of who you are. Every one of you has a gift, whether its visible, or maybe sometimes unnoticed, it's there. And I know maybe I sound like a preacher sometimes, I don't mean to do that. But I cannot be silent. I cannot sit and watch girls or anyone, continuously put themselves down. Sometimes I am in that state of mind and I wish somebody would reach across the room and slap me!

Some of us are born mothers, some writers, some both. Some are born speakers, some thinkers, some both. Some are born physically strong, some are born mentally strong, some are born both. Some seem to have all the gifts ever given---and some struggle to see that they are those kind of people.

The woman who claimed "undeserving" is a woman who I have looked up to my whole life. And in that instance, all of a sudden, I realized, she too had a weakness, and that it was not one I wanted to admire. At times we look at others who seem to have it all, and don't realize that maybe all they have is the belief  that they have it all. I didn't expect her to haughtily tell the world how awesome she is, but I did hope that she could see the blessing for what it truly is, a blessing, from the Lord, because she has lived her life righteously thus far, and I'm quite sure she will continue to do so.

If you can believe, that you will do, can do, and are doing great things in this life, then guess what, you probably are going to, and you probably are.

And most importantly, when you become who you are allowed to aspire and hope to be, you will undoubtedly teach another young girl how to do so.

If we can believe that we are important, they will see that they are important too. I realize now that one heart with the belief of it's own importance can be the catalyst for change in the hearts of many. I want my little girl to know she is smart. Brilliant even. I want her to believe that she can do anything. And I want her to make her own choices based on those beliefs. I realize that one of the only ways I can enable her to do so, is by doing so myself.

And if I believe that I'm important, then a lot of times that helps me see others as important. And it starts a chain reaction. And I like the life that fortune leads me to much better than the options the 'fortune teller' gave me today.

Truth

Wine is strong
Men are stronger
Women are stronger still
Truth conquers all

-written by Free Masons in Latin on the walls of the Rosslyn Chapel

President Thomas S. Monson said in this months First Presidency Message,

"Vice never leads to virtue. Hate never promotes love. Cowardice never gives courage. Doubt never inspires faith. ...Times change, but truth persists."

I haven't blogged in a while because I haven't found anything that I consider blog-worthy. I could put more things up of my baby girl who is almost crawling and a little miss independent, but I could also just get a facebook account again to do that. I look at my blog as a place for me to write whatever I want, but more and more, I want it to be things of worth. And sometimes my posts are ridiculousness and that's okay too. But these phrases stood out to me. The first one I found in my book of scribbles that I learned when we visited that famous chapel in the U.K. and I had forgotten what a cool little piece of poetry it was. I like simplicity when it comes to poetry. I don't like reading a poem and being completely stumped at what the meaning is. And this is pure simplicity and truth at it's finest, but it's powerful isn't it? It was to me. I remember the tour guide told us the saying and it was like it stuck into my head as easily as if the guide had physically typed it into my brain...that was a strange visual...but it was that powerful to me. Simple and powerful. If you get the power, great, if not, thats fine too.

And I'm sure there are millions of famous quotes regarding truth. But sometimes when I hear or see things in the same small amount of time that all coincide together I figure Heavenly Father is trying to remind me of something. And His reminder as of late has been that truth is truth! It is just that! Nothing can break the truth. Nothing can change the truth. The truest truth of all will withstand any blow that comes attacking. And if you find the truth, doesn't that give you comfort? Does it add to the power that is in the Iron Rod to which we are supposed to hold? I find that it does. It makes me feel harmless. Like anything could go wrong in my life, but if I have the truth, I will be okay. 

President Monson's quote also reminds me of a conversation I had with one of my good friends who just left for college. She is a few years younger than I and when she was graduating she had a lot of questions. I don't know if I gave too many good answers, but one thing that stood out to me and to her is when our discussion lead to the following: It's probably better if you test the gospel by living righteously, than by living wickedly. You will probably find joy quicker, and you will in the majority of circumstances find less heartache. Because just as he says, "cowardice never gives courage". In other words, it takes courage to find courage! It takes trying to do the right thing even when doing what's wrong seems a whole lot easier! 

So, the simple truths I have to work on trusting are the following:

Read my scriptures--DAILY
Say my prayers---like I never want to stop talking to my Father in Heaven
Study good things--edify myself regularly of the truths I've been taught
Attend the temple more often

Because truth conquers all. 

one of the hardest phrases in the English language

"You are the only one who can make that decision"

Well, guess I'm tough outta luck cuz I can over-analyze a sandwich.

The Characteristic of Being Genuine...and a love story.

Seriously, these are the kind of thoughts that keep me up at 4-5 in the morning. My daughter didn't even wake me up, I just woke up. And my mind just wouldn't stop.

I'm not sure if it ever really does.

This morning, I pondered the characteristic--(one of the many) that made me fall in love with my husband. As I dated throughout high school and afterward, I found that this characteristic was just not as common as I had hoped. On one date a guy actually asked me, "What do you look for in a guy?" And my mind went right to Colten, and he inspired my answer, "I want them to be genuine. I want the guy I meet, to be the guy I meet. I don't want him to be who he thinks I want him to be, I just want him to be him."

I couldn't find the same genuine personality in others that Colten had. He was so secure in who he was, even if he knew of his flaws and even if they troubled him, he was positive, and he always portrayed himself to be none other than who he was.

-Granted- His family always teases him about having moments where he was "the great grump" in high school---apparently that attitude came out when he and I were having problems....which is also funny because in my eyes we never really had problems.... :) haha. But now that we're married I still have yet to see him ever in a "great grump" mood. Sure he has his bad days, as do I, but I still think he is a very positive person.

And when we dated, he was and is still the person I fell in love with. He's older now, more mature, (in some ways ;)) and serving a mission taught him how to be an even better man than who I knew was in him all along. I'll always be indebted to his mother for teaching him and raising him to be such a wonderful husband--the man who I get to spend forever with. She is an amazing woman.

I just love how Colten is not afraid to be who he is. I know that I probably don't come across as genuine as I could---I can be tremendously, socially awkward at times...dangit...but I'm learning from my husband how to be me, and not have to say sorry for it. I hated sitting at dinner with a date, even after a few dates, and feeling like I still had absolutely no clue who was sitting across from me. I hated that someone told me they loved me when I felt like they had absolutely no clue who I was! haha.

One night, before Colten came home from his mission, I was up late talking to my mom. I was over-analyzing, (typical of a Bramall...you all know that's true) and worrying, and questioning, and essentially being a weirdo...in search of an answer about Colten. I already knew that he was who I wanted to marry, but I questioned myself, and again over-thought everything. But my wise mother said, (paraphrased)

"Sammy, all you need to do, is close your eyes and throw out all the messy, silly, details about flaws and such and picture Colten's spirit. Picture the spirit that you know is inside him, and the potential that he has that is within, picture yourself the same way, and see if you can picture the both of you holding hands  throughout eternity--and truly being with him forever" 

That brought tears to my eyes, and thinking of that moment still does bring tears to my eyes because I knew right then that he was exactly who I wanted with me for eternity. And I've never questioned since. And pretty much every day I know I'm thee most blessed girl in the whole universe because of who I married. I love that he is the same spirit that sat next to me in Mrs. Browning's English class who always made me laugh. I love that he broke my fear of fourwheelers. I love that he will be just as genuine in 70+ years as he is now. I love that he loves me and how he is the perfect one for me.

Who knew that the Characteristic of Being Genuine could have been the catalyst that changed my life forever?...

latest song writing

I wrote a song in my head as I was getting dressed this morning. It, like the poem a few posts ago, was inspired by my daughter whom I love and adore---and who has changed my life in more ways than one. As you read the lyrics, since I can't sing you the tune on here, I want you to make up your own tune, in the saddest country twang ya can think up. mmk? mmmk.

Oh and then afterward, you need to go to youtube and listen to "One's On the Way" by Loretta Lynn.

I'm probly gonna git spit-up on, today
I'm probly gonna git spit-up on, today

Better wear a lose, old shirt
Instead of poop maybe people will think its dirt

I'll still probly git spit up on, today
I'm probly gonna git spit up on, today

Lets try em' on, Oh those jeans still don't fit,
And that makes me feel like.......crap

And I'll probly git spit up on, today
Yep, I'll probly git spit up on, today

Maybe I could wear two shirts, instead of one
Take off the first one when its done

After I get spit up on today,
Cuz I'm sure I'll git spit up on, today

I love my job, Yes, I love my job
It's called bein' a mom

It requires no references
and no previous work experience

It pays in giggles, diapers, and love
And some say it's heaven's work from above
 
It just requires, a lot of laundry done
Because You're probably gonna git
Spit Up, On. 

More stuff that only a few of you will want to read through.

which is ok with me.


first off, camry is doing great. she giggled for the first time two nights ago :) the Dr. said she's not normal...and he meant it in a good way :) woot woot! every mom wants to say their child is brilliant, haha but no she is doing wonderfully-- i love being a mom. Colten says, "post more pictures!!" well, can't find the cord for my camera to hook up to the computer. were so high-tech i know. so i'm putting up one pic from my phone that was from the night she giggled. oh how i love my baby girl.

isn't that the cutest chubalub smile ya ever did see?

So can I get on a different subject for a minute?
Another shpill from me....

I don't understand the whole 'offended' thing. I don't understand it in any situation. I'm not talking a church thing necessarily, i'm just talking in general.

How do you get across to people that being offended, getting offended, and staying offended only hurts the person holding on to the offense? Think if all of us could just expect others to say things they didn't mean negatively...if we all expected each other to make mistakes, and create misunderstandings? It seems like if we did that, maybe 'being offended' would be nearly non-existent. What good does it do to walk around being angry? Why do we all hold each other to some standard that says---'you have to know everything about me so don't say anything that might hurt my feelings and you should have absolute proper manners so don't be impolite and you must be perfect because clearly i'm perfect so if you're not then i'm gonna get upset'

before i continue let me clarify two things:
1- No, I am not in some mystery situation that I'm vaguely alluding to online because I cannot deal with relationship problems face to face. No, that is what facebook is for. This is just me blurting out my feelings on the subject of offensiveness because I do see it, it does happen, and I'm sick and tired of it. Also, this was not brought on by anyone so do not do exactly what I'm talking about and get worried that someone offended me, or that I'm trying to offend you, those kind of thoughts are in fact what did bring about this post.
2- I'm not saying we all should walk around and act like idiots and expect everyone else to appreciate it. No, we should try to be polite, kind, loving, and all the good things that are and will be. But, I am saying that there was only one perfect person. And the only thing we can expect out of each other is 'doing our best' and we ought to know quite well by now that 'our best' and everyone else's 'best' falls short sometimes. So, we then should let go of the offenses that come and go.

maybe one more thing to clarify:
3-when I describe offenses, i'm talking about relatively small issues. In my understanding of being offended typically they are always relatively small issues. But do not mistake me by interpreting it to mean actual huge hurtful things that human beings do to one another. I don't think I need to make a list of the differences between the two for understanding-I just hope ya get what I mean. (but small and large offenses and hurtful things can be deleted by forgiveness...)

I've found a pattern in relationships. I wish I was good with graphics because I would try to draw it up.
If we choose to live our lives delicately---as in, our emotions/self efficacy/self concepts are delicately laced along the tips of our sleeves, guess what will happen? your lil' lace theres gonna git caught on somethin'!!
And lace is very hard to put back together once torn up, and lace is hard to untangle from a rose bush, and lace is, let's face it, just really delicate! So, if we have set our lace out there for everyone to destroy, we will get offended. Probably more than once. And it's probably going to be hard to put ourselves back together, and it's probably going to be hard to get over what happened.

Typically, (in my uneducated opinion) people who live like this deal with a lot more anxiety. They question themselves constantly about what do I say? What do I do in this situation? And as others catch on to their delicacy, they too start to worry about how to act, what to say, and how to respond for fear that they may entangle themselves in one big lace offense. I'll tell ya right now, maybe one reason I understand this is because I've been there. I've been delicate-lace-emotion-sammy, and i've also walked on eggshells around people for fear that I might prick them with an unintended thorn. Both sides are hard. Both are stupid. So why do we do it?

There is no good reason. Some would say, "but, but, she said this to me! and then she did THAT!" Well, those are both unfortunate circumstances, but how about we let it go and move on? 

We ought to live in a world where we expect each other to be loving. And when someone says something unloving we ought to act how Christ would have acted. We ought to love them in return, and try to teach by example and word when moved upon by the spirit to do so. I don't like the phrase "kill em' with kindness" why? Because it has the word kill in it which denotes a long list of revengeful reasons for treating someone with kindness and that's not really kindness at all now is it?

Real love for others is not easily swayed by an unintended unkind phrase. Moroni 7:45 says
45 And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

So why do people walk around professing kindness, charity, and love, and expect everyone else to be at their level BUT when someone unintentionally offends all of a sudden it's okay to be angry because they know what love is and so the other person should understand it perfectly too and since they clearly don't--then we get upset? Did I portray the irony correctly?  In other words, when we are easily offended, I am gonna come right out and say that we do not understand love the way we should. Love and Forgiveness may be two different words, in an imperfect English language, but they are permanently connected in their divine creation. They cannot truly be separated.

D&C 64:10
10 I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.

Of us it is required to forgive all men. 

D&C 112:11
11 I know thy heart, and have heard thy prayers concerning thy brethren. Be not partial towards them in love above many others, but let thy love be for them as for thyself; and let thy love abound unto all men, and unto all who love my name.

Let thy love abound unto all men.

Can we see a connection? I see it, and it is something I most definitely need to work on. That's why I'm putting it on my online journal. For me, I have to learn so much in life and this is a massive chunk of it. To Love and Forgive all men. AND women.

When Christ hung on the cross, we know what he said to the Father. And I don't know about you, but everytime I hear it it hits me with the same power as it did the first time I heard and understood it's meaning.

Luke 23:34

"Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do."

If the people who crucified our Savior, could not understand who He was and could not understand that He meant only to teach, heal, love, lead, and establish God's kingdom (and bring about the Atonement and a whole lot of other things) THEN how dare we expect our neighbor to understand us so perfectly that they don't offend us (especially) unintentionally?

The Son of God walked among them, he wrought miracles and went about doing good his entire mortal ministry. And yet, people still called him horrible things, they still accused him of being the opposite of all that He was. And yet, even after all they did to him physically, spiritually, and emotionally, He asked that they be forgiven, because he loved them, and loves us and He knew they did not understand. 

So maybe I can phrase my questions differently. What if we walked around with that kind of understanding for those around us? The kind of understanding that Christ had? How would it change our interactions? our expectations? Our conversations? Our love for our brothers and sisters? 

I think maybe we ought to try.