"Without Murmurings"

1 Nephi 17:1-3

1.....And we did travel and wade through much affliction in the wilderness; and our women did bear children in the wilderness.
2 And so great were the blessings of the Lord upon us, that while we did live upon raw meat in the wilderness, our women did give plenty of suck for their children, and were strong, yea, even like unto the men; and they began to bear their journeyings without murmurings.
3 And thus we see that the commandments of God must be fulfilled. And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness.

This hit me this morning. In verse two, it suggests that the women maybe had a hard time with murmuring. I know I would have---traveling through the wilderness, struggling to find food, pregnant, tired, hungry, etc. But even among all their frustration, they must have seen the hand of the Lord as Nephi did. As they saw that they were able to give birth to healthy children, and that their bodies were able to "provide suck" as it says. I know that that would have been a humbling experience for these women. How scared they must have been having children in the wilderness and not knowing if they were going to find food. They must have found faith. They must have seen the hand of the Lord. They must have started trusting in Him for ALL of their needs...because it says, "they began to bear their journeyings without murmurings." The Lord kept blessing them. They were still following their husbands even though they had murmured--they were still trying to do what the Lord asked. So He blessed them, and He clearly helped their eyes see and their hearts were softened because they began to figure out how to journey without murmuring. How long were they traveling? I know they were married in the wilderness, and bore children---these things take a long time! So this miracle of change that went about in these women didn't happen overnight. Heavenly Father blessed them with strength and they saw His miracles take place in their lives so much so that they were able to stop complaining.

Sometimes I get so mad at myself for getting upset when things don't go the way I want them to. I get frustrated that I get frustrated! It's ridiculous! Emotions are real, and they happen in response to life's experiences. But it doesn't mean they will last forever, and we certainly don't have to let them. When we let the Lord work in us,---when we use the Atonement---we can start to bear our life's burdens without murmuring. I think some of my burdens I still struggle to fight the desire to murmur. But, one of the reasons why this hit me so hard is because I feel like I'm learning how to live without murmuring. Maybe it's because I'm growing up. Maybe it's because I'm a slow learner. Maybe it's because murmuring can just be tiresome. Maybe, it's because the Lord is working in me. I think that's probably it. I see that now. And I'm thankful. And I hope he keeps working on me so that I can completely rid my life of all complaint and all murmuring. My husband would probably appreciate that ;) But most importantly, I know the Lord would appreciate it, and so would I. Because it would mean I would be a little more of who He wants me to be.

I Can't Handle It.

Sometimes...

I can't handle it when I ask my toddler to NOT do something and she deliberately does it anyway.

I can't handle it when I try to put my baby to bed 4 or 5 times and the 6th time I swear she's asleep, I lay her in her crib and my elbow hits the side and wakes her back up. Painful elbow+a trip back to the rocking chair=angry mom.

I can't handle it when I wake up some mornings and our basement abode looks like a literal tsunami took place.

I couldn't handle potty training. Seriously I think we're good now, but for the next kid I'm pretty sure I'm hiring potty trainers- let me know if you're available.

I can't handle when my toddler is cry/whining and tries to tell me what she wants and I have no idea what she's saying.

I often cannot handle getting out of bed to feed lil' baby girl. Again.

Always...

I cannot handle when I'm holding my baby and she's snuggled up to my chest, and she reaches her hand  up to touch my face...just to feel it.

I can't handle---I have absolutely no strength against this---when my toddler says, "can you come snuggle with me?" and I lay (awkwardly) in her toddler bed and she says, "Let's sing 'I Am A Child of God"...I give in every time.

I can't handle when my toddler puts both her arms around my neck and holds on tight---I can't understand how such a young child can understand such strong emotions and how she can convey her love in such a simple way.

I can't handle when my baby smiles and laughs at me like I am actually the funniest individual Heavenly Father has placed on this earth...well she might hold me second to her older sister I'm not sure...

I can't handle the cuteness of when these two little girls interact with each other---how I pray they become the closest of sisters...how I pray they hold on to the simplest yet strongest of emotions of love, forgiveness, and friendship.

I can't handle when my toddler knows whats on the next page of her book about a pig. Cracks me up.

I can't handle when both my kids are squished on my lap...both happy as can be...both just needing some mommy time.

I can't handle being a mom sometimes. Because it's the hardest job I've ever attempted. But my heart also can't handle how much love it feels---it feels so much that it just starts to spill over and run all over and I can't hold back the tears because the love has to come out! Love tears...that's what I'll call em...they show up during those times when I can't handle this 24/7 Amazingly hard and incredibly wonderful job I have of being mom. I get why some people have 19 kids. I get why some feel content with 1. They are hard to care for sometimes (maybe most times) but they are SO easy to love. There's so much love to be felt from these children that if you open your eyes and heart you could never feel dissatisfied. I get why Heavenly Father wants us to be like little children. Their love is unconditional. They forgive me when I forget to be kind, gentle, patient, and loving. They forgive me when I have felt like pulling my hair out...They are patient with me forevermore.

My heart is full, and that feeling in my heart...sometimes...I just can't handle it. I just wonder why I've been entrusted with the care of two of the most beautiful children that God could have ever created. I will always see these two little girls in that way. I will not discredit how fantastic they are, because I will always see them as two of God's princesses. I hope I can teach them that that's who they are. And not the snot-type of princesses. But the humble princesses who know who they are and who will not be anything less or accept anything less. I love them with my whole heart and soul. I want them to know that- and that Heavenly Father also loves them more than I could ever even begin to comprehend...and more than what my heart is even capable of handling.

Truth Seekers

In Relief Society a week or so ago, during our discussion about the prophet Joseph Smith our teacher read a quote from Elder Neil L. Anderson: "Why does the Lord allow the evil speaking to chase after the good? One reason is that opposition against the things of God sends truth seekers to their knees for answers." (This was from his October 2014 talk entitled "Joseph Smith").

That one description--"truth seekers," has stuck with me. Am I a truth seeker? As I've pondered this, I've found two ways in which I hope to be a better truth seeker.

1- First and foremost I want to be a better "truth seeker" in the gospel. I know I have been a truth seeker at times, but sometimes I guess I forget that my spirit is hungry. Unfortunately. And then I taste a little bit of the sweetest parcels of truth and I realize I've been starving! I've always felt like asking questions is a brilliant thing to do---as long as you sincerely, with the Holy Ghost as a companion, seek the truth as you look for answers.

2-In personal relationships. In every relationship there will be awkward moments, ups and downs, hard times, and hurt feelings. I hate those times. But one thing that makes it easier is seeking the truth of the situation. When we worry about the details and fret about the small offenses, it holds us back. Not only that, but it clouds our vision. The truth is that we are all God's children. We are here to love each other, and by doing so we help each other become better. I've found it's easier to assume the best in people. I haven't always done that and I've learned the hard way that most folks really do have good intentions. Sure there's a lot of bad in this world because there's supposed to be...but holding on to the good and assuming the best in our loved ones is often a force that pushes us all to a better emotional place. I've found that in tough moments if I take a step back and ask myself, "What is the truth in this situation?" and I separate the emotions for a moment, it helps me see the truth and then I can respond better and be more loving, kind, and hopefully a little more like how our Savior would be.

Moroni 10:5 "And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things."

As I've said before this blog is a place where I can write my life lessons so that I can look back and remember what the Lord was trying to teach me. He often has to teach me the same lessons over and over again. I choose to share it because sometimes maybe it'll be helpful in other's lives as well.

"If you can't see it, hear it, or feel it, then it doesn't exist."

At least that's what the mean kangaroo from Horton Hears A Who thinks.

I've been watching this show almost daily, (not voluntarily...by force from my 2 year old) and every time I hear her make this comment in the movie I cringe. The whole movie is her battle with Horton concerning what she believes in an unimportant "spec." However, Horton has heard the voice of the Mayor of Whoville (a place with many good Whos) and thus he knows that the spec is a world smaller than theirs and it must be protected.

In relation to real life...and whether God exists or not... I tend to NOT follow the kangaroo's advice.

I, like Horton, have a belief in something that I would say is not obviously seen, heard, or felt. And I don't think we need big elephant ears to hear it, because even the kangaroo, along with all the other animals in the jungle, eventually heard the people of Whoville.

I have heard the Holy Ghost speak to me, not with my ears, but with my heart. I have seen countless miracles that I know are miracles from a Heavenly Father who is concerned about me in my life. I have felt in my heart, and soul the truth: that an Only Begotten Son came here and died for me. And I know that He rose again. He lives and He is aware of me, and He loves me---even when I make dumb choices. His love I have felt so strong that I want to be better, and like Horton I want to protect it, and I want to tell everyone that it exists---even if they haven't yet heard it, seen it, or felt it.

And for those who have heard/felt/seen and are wondering if they still believe...

As silly as this may sound there's a part in the movie where a dirty rotten vulture takes the "spec" which currently resides on a clover, and he throws it into a field of clovers. Horton faithfully goes through every clover...not finding the "spec" anywhere. All of a sudden the wind picks up and all the clovers he has checked start flying around and he starts to think maybe all hope really is lost---when he finally sees the tiny "spec" on top of it's trusty clover. He recovers that clover and after a few more trials he finally gets it to a safe place.

Sometimes we have to have tremendous faith in something that we cannot find. And I promise that eventually, we will see the miracle...but remember, it might be the size of a spec.  And "even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you" (Alma 32:27) and you'll realize that the truth exists. If you faithfully search you too will see, hear, and feel that He is real--Jesus Christ is real and He loves each of us more than we could ever understand.

Sure I'm a stay at home mom who watches way too many children's movies and maybe I relate the gospel to silly things. But it's important to me, and it is very real to me, and I love the gospel. I love knowing that I can walk with the Savior everyday if I would just invite Him. And I know He is watching even when I forget to invite Him. "His grace is sufficient" for my good days and bad. (Moroni 10:32)

Laughter is easier.

Laughter is easier than crying
Loving is easier than hatefulness
Kindness is easier than regret
Forgiveness is easier than carrying hurt
Repentance is easier than continuing sin
Obedience is easier than Repentance
Joy is better than Pain
Pain is better than ignorance
Loss is easier with Faith
Choice is better than Force
Happiness is possible because of Christ.


You may initially disagree on some of these statements. But honestly, the easier path is always righteousness, and the only way to stay on it is with Christ. And this life comes with all sorts of junk we have to sort through---so hopefully you choose to do so with our Brother, the only truly reliable source available.

Hopefully you choose to laugh as often as you can. Hopefully you choose to not carry burdens alone. Hopefully you try your darndest knowing full well your capabilities are limited without Him. Hopefully you see the purpose of pain, and the beauty of choice. Hopefully you seek for quiet moments---to commune with the best Listener of all. Hopefully in the midst of all that is scary, hard, and frustrating---you seek peace....And hopefully your heart is sensitive enough to feel it. After all,

Hope and Faith are much easier, and Stronger, than Doubt.

Miracles-Blessings-Trials

This is the topic that kept me up last night. I may have been awakened by a baby who is leaving me no room to sleep peacefully throughout the night without taking a visit to the little girl's room. And then the same beautiful baby in this belly of mine also needed food. Needless to say, I am awake every night for various lengths of time. Which is essentially what brought me to this subject. This miracle pregnancy, (for I truly believe every pregnancy is a miracle) may be a beautiful and a wonderful and an exciting thing, it has also been a trial. As most women would agree, pregnancy is NOT easy peasy lemon squeezy.

BUT, it gives us a gift which requires more gratitude than I think I could ever explain. It's a gift of life, a gift of love, a gift that is eternal. This hard 9 months brings about my most cherished calling in life...motherhood.

Unfortunately I do not wake up every morning with those kinds of thoughts in my head. The first phrase that typically enters my mind is usually, "Oh girl please go back to sleep!" But then I get up. Except on those awesome days daddy is home and he lets me sleep a little longer :)

As I pondered all of this, I realized every miracle, blessing, and trial in my life has all been connected to each other. Whether it was because of a "trial of my faith" that I received a miracle, or if because of a blessing in my life I also had trials that went with it. Sometimes the pattern just goes crazy and life looks something like this:

Miracle. Trial. Blessing. Blessing. Blessing. TRIAL. trial. trial. .....miracle. Blessing. trial. etc.

Examples:
The miracle that I feel when I am able to sing a song and know that one heart was touched. But tied with that often comes the feelings of nervousness, and the all too familiar headache that I get afterward because I get so stressed out about it sometimes. Especially the journey of song that happens after having a baby. Waiting for my voice to get back to normal, and not feeling as sure of myself was and will be hard again. But as hard and emotional as it can be, it's worth it. Because I see someone who was listening and somehow I know, that I was an instrument for the Lord to touch his or her heart. And that's all I need to keep singing.

The miracle that is a child. I've mentioned pregnancy, (cuz that's kindof on my mind all day everyday) but to see my little girl grow and learn to talk and walk. But with that comes potty-training, repetition of books that I would at this point feel very comfortable about throwing into the fire, and of course the all too familiar newborn stage that I'm positive takes superpowers to endure. But we do it because we love it. She knows how to blow away my frustrations as if they were little feathers, by just giving me a smile and saying the phrase daddy taught her... "Yeah, Buddy!" :)

Every one of us experiences trials big and small, but somehow if we are on the right path--it seems like Heavenly Father knows how to keep us moving forward if only we with look with an eye of faith and see His hand in all things. Sometimes my miracles are as simple as me finally getting a break during naptime when my toddler hasn't taken a nap in two days. Sometimes it's just that feeling of how grateful I am to have such an amazing husband, and the miracle is as simple as me waking up next to him every morning.

The more hardships I hear from other's lives I watch my blessings become miracles...because they mean that much more to me knowing that I didn't have to go through what another person may have had to endure.

"If you are on the right path, it will always be uphill. The Lord is anxious to lead us to the safety of higher ground" -President Henry B. Eyring

I suppose my mind tends to lean towards the negative...and so when the world is quiet, the Lord has to teach me about the beauty of this life, and specifically my own life. I really like sleep, but again the trial of bags under my eyes comes with the blessing of me waking up with a smile on my face.

"Don't be gloomy. Even if you are not happy, put a smile on your face. This is the gospel of good news, this is a message of joy, this is the thing of which the angels sang when they sang of the birth of the Son of God. This is a work of eternal salvation; this is something to be happy and excited about. You won't get anywhere if you go with a frown on your face" -President Gordon B. Hinckley

I'm so excited to meet this new little girl growing everyday inside me. If you've been around me this summer and I've seemed gloomy, I'm sorry I got a little like Eeyore when I was sick. I promise happier me is here. I don't feel like I need to tie a trash bag to my belt in case I throw up anymore.I'm feeling...not normal...but certainly a lot more like I can turn my frown upside down :)

I'm thankful for my miracles-blessings-trials and all, because it helps me know the Lord just loves me.

My Testimony of the Temple

First off, when I said I would rejoin the lovely Facebook crowd, it was for one reason. One reason only.
To use it as a tool to share my testimony. So, when I got invited to join this "Flood Facebook with the Temple" group, I jumped at the chance.

How do I write about something---when  I feel my knowledge of it has only scratched the surface?

I'm praying the spirit will guide me in sharing my feelings and emotions about the temple in a way that will be felt more than understood just by words.

I feel I have so much more to learn about the temple. But here's what I know:

-I know that when I'm there I have the opportunity to feel peace in a way that is specific to the Lord's House. I know in the temple, when I quiet my mind and heart, my chest burns with the warmth of God's love--as if in one instance He can answer all of my questions, just by reminding me that, "I'm here. I love you. I know you. I hear you."

-I know that the ordinances that take place in the temple are eternal. I know we can act as Saviors on Mount Zion, doing work for those who have passed on. I know the people who came before us that didn't receive the special blessings that come from the temple, can still receive those blessings with our help.

-I know that the Lord has spoken to me in the temple. In a way that my heart understands...which is much stronger and more everlasting than anything I could ever hear with my ears.

-I know that I feel peace and gratitude knowing that my family can be together forever. The sealing power in the temple is real, and it binds families together for eternity.

-I know that when I'm in the temple, especially with my siblings and parents, I feel content. I feel like everything is going to be okay.

-I know only a few things, but the experiences I've had in the temple have always led me to believe that it is truly a House of the Lord. It is a place where our Savior can dwell. It is a place where the distractions of this world are put aside, and we can focus on eternal--and the most important--of all things. If I'm ever in search of direction, I can go there and see my path more clearly. If I just need to feel peace--one of the hardest things to find in this world--I can go there and finally feel it.

If you don't know where else to go in this life, go to the temple. Find your way there. Do what you have to do to be worthy to enter. It's the one place in this world that reminds me of what it must have felt like in heaven. I'm grateful that I have had the blessing of living so close to the temple, and that my family has been blessed because of it.