Friday, September 21, 2012

I got bangs. Songs. Pregnancy.

But I'm not taking a picture. Sorry. I would feel too cheesy. That's just me though. I like it when people change their hair and take pictures and show everyone. But not me. Then again, I am a different sort.

I really like them. Weird huh. I have gotten straight across bangs once or twice before in my life, but didn't feel  like they worked. Now that I'm prego, ANYTHING, will work. Anything will make me feel a smidge cuter. Cuz I feel kindof....not myself. My body is not my own, what can I say? Then again I guess it never has been huh....deep meaning there if you got it.

Colten likes the bangs. He even said he thinks he has a new love affair going on for me. I pulled them back to wash my face and his surprised look accompanied, "THERE SHE IS! That's the Sammy I've been looking  at since I've been home! That's so weird" LOL. I love my husband. forever and ever amen. I can tell he genuinely likes them so it helps me like them and thus this bang experience has been better. (...that phrase is awkward...i'm leaving it)

BEWARE. I'm telling you this in an all-seriousness sort of way, even though what I'm about to warn you about will lead you all to directly disobey and go find out what I'm talking about. BUT I'll still try anyway.

There is a new song by Taylor Swift called, "Ronan" If you want to bawl your eyes out for a long time, then go listen to it. If you would rather not cry and emotionally reconnect yourself to the beauty of motherhood and all of its preciousness and connectedness to the beauty of life and how short it can be, then be careful when you listen to any country station because this song will come out of nowhere and getcha. It'll getcha good.

It's pretty much in the same realm of Reba McEntire's "If I Had Only Known"...also gets me everytime, but yet I still find myself purposely searching for it on youtube. It's a beautiful song.

Well, my back hurts. My stomach hurts (generally, but not every second of  the day). My pelvis hurts. I'm tired. I'm always hungry. AND basically at only 28 weeks, I'm feeling a little like--okay pregnancy no fun anymore. But, I want this little girl to stay in as long as she needs to so she's healthy, happy, etc. But pregnancy is just hard in general I decided. Colten said, "doesn't sound like you're gonna be wantin' to get pregnant a whole lot" Sure does sound like it. But then some days I wanna have a house full of children. BUT Most nights I have to walk to the bathroom at all hours of the night hunched over with crazy hair and a look on my face that screams, what happened to me? where is the body I spent the first 21 years of my life in? why do I have to go to the bathroom again? And why is sleep not making my back feel better? 

(side note) And then my next thought is always: Oh ya, gotta let puppy out, if i have restroom needs he probably does to...And then I go stand in the cold grass while puppy does his thing.

Ok, Ok. I will pull back the drama and sarcasm. I am glad I'm pregnant. I love this baby more than anything in the world. I never thought I'd say this but, I want to get up all hours of the night with this baby girl. I want to change her diapers, and take care of her. All of those things that I've heard so many say they are not ready for--I'm ready for. Because I have a real baby inside of me whom I love and adore and will continue sacrificing for. My pregnancy has not been near as bad as what many women have experienced. And the truth is, there are still lots of times when I think, I could do this again. We will see how I feel after birth. :) haha.

A word on that too---I'm not scared of labor. I don't want to be either because if I am then that would make going through it naturally much harder. I have never felt contractions, and so I have nothing to relate and psych myself out over. I don't want to be naive either, I know it will all hurt and it will be hard. However, I have been blessed to hear many stories and be given great advice that has guided my thoughts in a positive direction. My body was made to do this. I can do it. Just because I've never done it before does not make it impossible. My sister had a dream that my labor and delivery went smoothly (gracias for that information cuz it added more positive thoughts to my thinking). My mom also had a dream about my labor and delivery---she has always been famous for her honesty---and she said when it got really hard I wanted it all to stop and pretty much had a freak out so she had to leave the room... thanks for that info mom:) haha. I'm still not scared though. I'm kindof excited. I want to work through it, and really have this baby. (Who still doesn't have a name...)

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Teenage Boy Brilliance

When I asked my co-workers for help on deciding on a name, this is what they came up with:

La-Ka

The dash is not silent. Thus, pronounced, La Dash Ka. 

Awesome.

The next one they came up with:

Stacie.

Why?

So that I could be "stacie's mom."

I hated that song. Boys are weird. 

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

We will forever miss him.

Im not posting a picture because it hurts too much to look at.

I don't know that everyone will understand this post, but those who do might have to grab a tissue.

In December last year we added Kojo to our family. He was our first dog, but also the first animal we had to take care of. He was mine and Colten's. He was our buddy, and we loved him very much. He learned so fast and quickly became part of our everyday routine. He bonded with each of us in different ways. I was the cuddler, but Colten was the one he loved to go play with and work with. I planned on him being our family dog for at least 10 years. Ever since I remember, our family has had a dog. Most of the time it was more than one. I've loved and lost dogs growing up, but Kojo was different. He was mine. He was ours. To so many people it might seem dumb to talk about a dog as someone so special--but not to us. There's no way to explain what it feels like to form a relationship with an animal and really count them as part of your family. He was just so special.

Last week, Colten and Kojo and a couple of our nephews went up to Kolob to cut some wood for the winter. I wanted to go, and could have, but for some reason just wasn't feeling up to it. When the boys were just finishing up loading the rest of the wood and the chainsaw into the truck, Colten saw Kojo start heading back to the truck. At that moment, he also saw a truck coming down the dirt road and before Colten could say anything or even knew what to say the accident happened. Kojo was killed instantly.

Colten said he just walked over to Kojo, sat on the ground, and couldn't say a word. The man driving the truck had 3 dogs in the back of his truck--obviously a dog lover. He felt terrible. He tried to help and apologize but Colten said he couldn't talk. So he didn't. He didn't say one word. The man's wife gave Colten a sheet to wrap Kojo in, and Colten did so and put him in the truck and drove away. They were kind people, I feel bad Colten didn't say anything, but I think they probably understood. Colten buried Kojo up by our cabin, and drove home. When he came home, he just showed me Kojo's collar. He couldn't talk through his tears for about a half hour so I tried to console him not knowing what exactly had happened. He was finally able to tell me, and eventually I lost it. Colten's family kept showing up throughout the day showing their love and concern. They just sat with us, and that helped. I didn't tell my family till the next day cuz I just couldn't text it without crying more. I did tell my parents right after it all happened, and I think my mom cried as hard as we did.

I just know this will come across as so weird to some people. But again, it's so hard to explain. We just loved that dog so much, and we will forever miss him.

You wouldn't believe it, but we already have a new puppy. Colten has decided he can't live without a dog. I can't either, but I would've liked to wait longer. But, we happened to hear about some puppies that were australian shepherd, border collie, blue heeler mixes. Kojo was  a border collie so we went and checked them out. There was one boy left when we got there, and we brought him home. His name is Broni, which in Twi means white. He's mostly white but his face has black and brown, and he's got little black spots and red spots all over his body. We love our new puppy, but puppies are not very fun for me.They're hard work.  But we're hopeful that he will become a good dog like Kojo, but he will never replace Kojo. Broni is just our new adventure, our new member of the family, with his own crazy personality. He will hopefully be potty trained before baby gets here, and so I'm not too worried about having a baby and a puppy. I actually think it will be cool to watch our little girl grow up with Broni. I'm sure she will learn to love dogs as much as Colten and I do. (It's funny though, Colten never wanted a dog in the first place, but he has learned just how great they can be, and I love how loving he is towards them). Kojo was so great, and we will always love him.

In other news, I don't like the name Adelaide anymore. I always have to repeat myself when I tell people what it is. And no one can quite remember it. So the name search is on again. Why are girls names so hard for me? I can't believe weve only got 3 months left. That is so mind-boggling. I finished her bassinet, some fabric boxes for above her crib (that we don't have yet), and my mom bought me a diaper bag. It's cute I like it. Good ole walmart. I ordered her some basics for clothing online too just so that I'd feel a little more prepared in case we don't get certain things at showers. It's a little overwhelming to thing how life will be when she gets here, but we are excited for the changes. The reality of labor and birth are hitting me a little more. I can't say that I'm scared though. I think I'm nervous, maybe apprehensive, but I've never felt it, so I don't know what I could be scared of when I don't know how it will be for me. I know I'm glad I'm doing it with a midwife. I want to work through the pain---even if in the moment i'll be screaming otherwise. I want to see what my body can do, and I want to feel every second of it, and be there 100 % for the whole birth. She's my little girl, and I've felt this whole pregnancy, every headache, every stomachache, every need for more oxygen when I reach the top of the stairs. I want to feel what it is like to bring her here. I think one big reason is because I want to feel how strong I am, and I want to give myself the confidence to continue that strength throughout motherhood. It will be hard. But I can do hard things. So, hopefully, I can figure out a name to give her at the end of all this 9 months and birth. If only I could just find one that hits, and sinks in, and feels like thee name. wish me luck.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Newest Favorite Name Idea

Adelaide Harmony Iverson. For short: Ada. I like. Colten likes. We shall see.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

beautiful.

aWhat a beautiful feeling it is---to feel your baby move inside you. And to see her punch or kick your tummy. And they say to cherish this now, because the punching and kicking doesn't hurt yet. So I'm cherishing. It's impossible for any pregnant woman to constantly cherish every moment of pregnancy......cuz the moments kneeling next to the toilet, waking up to pee (again), and realizing that your hungry (again) can sometimes be frustrating. And I figure that Maybe I'm being a Captain Obvious right now, but I believe it's the same when the baby is here only, it's the baby who just peed (again) and who is also hungry (again).

But, THEN, there are the times when moms sit and think, and they cherish. They cherish waking up again to a hungry baby because even though they're tired, they have a baby, and he/she is alive and doing well. I cherish the movements in my belly because they mean she's alive and she's doing well. Those movements mean I'm really gonna be a mom. And I hope and pray that I spend more time cherishing then being frustrated. I cherish the excitement rather than the nervousness about all that has to be done before she comes.

 My grandma told me about how she prepared for her first baby...she didn't really get to! She didn't know exactly when she would get a baby girl, but all of a sudden she was there, and my grandma and grandpa had to make do. Their first daughter was adopted, thus the quick arrival. And my grandma said for a bassinet she used a laundry basket with a pillow inside. Awesome huh :)

I want to have a farm in my backyard with goats and chickens...like my mamas. Cows don't get to stay in the backyard....unless we had a real big backyard. And I want lots of children to fill the house and to help on the farm. I know for sure my kids will know about agriculture. I can't imagine not teaching them about how important it is. We already got the cows, but I really like goats and chickens. And of course we'll always have a dog running around causing trouble like Kojo does. Actually, I take that back, Kojo doesn't cause that much trouble, except for when he sleeps on the couches when we're not home. Other than that, that one little dog brings a lot of joy into this house. Everyone's different with how they feel about dogs, just like everything in life, but I sure am a dog person. And Colten sure is too. And I love in the morning when I'm half asleep and I get outta bed and look over and there's kojo laying on his belly with his two back legs spread in opposite directions, his head on his two front paws, and a look on his face like, "can someone please let me out so I can go potty now?" I loved how a couple mornings ago, I was sitting on Colten's lap on the couch, and Kojo just couldn't handle not getting any attention so it always starts with him putting his two front paws on our laps...then he sneaks one back leg up and slowly pushes himself up so that he gets to sit on Colten's lap too. We both just laughed.

I hate when Colten has to leave way too early in the morning, but I love how Kojo can sense that I'm uneasy still in bed by myself, he jumps up in bed (even though he totally knows he's not allowed to 99% of the time) and he curls up in a ball next to me and it makes me feel safe. He stays in one spot so he doesn't get the bed all dirty, and I swear he really can sense when I'm scared, because he only does it when I need him to, and I never have to say anything to him at all.

Well, this was as random as a post can get, motherhood, farms, and dogs. But aren't those all beautiful? To me, they are so much of what makes my life beautiful. I'm thankful my Heavenly Father knows what I love, and so He has filled my life with it. I guess the trick is, we all just have to remember to cherish the beautiful things and not get caught up in the not-so-beautiful.

Monday, August 20, 2012

sucks like a champ.

My title drew you in didn't it?

This phrase won the chance to be the title of this post because I spoke this exact phrase on Sunday afternoon, and I stopped myself finding the irony...or oxymoronyness to the phrase quite hilarious. I was speaking about our vacuum. Colten, (being the manly man and cleanly man that he is) decided to take the filter on our vacuum outside and use the air compressor to blow out all of the yucky stuff that clogs it up. And thus, when he came inside to use the vacuum, I asked him if it "sucked like a champ." And, it did, and it does. Thank you dear hubby for your brilliance and your interest in keeping our house clean and the items used to clean it clean too. (what a sentence...)

Today I made dinner. For approximately 22 out of the 23 weeks that I have been pregnant, I haven't really made dinner. Don't worry, other people feed us. And somehow we have made it this far and I have also managed to gain some weight. Nausea said goodbye, but then came back sneakily in the form of Acid Reflux. So, again, food and I battle. But yet, I still made dinner today and Colten and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I also have a little more of a desire to cook in general, which I have not felt for pretty much all of the year 2012. (school, work, pregnancy).

The scale today read a number I haven't seen since my sophomore year of high school. Weird moment. Bittersweet.

I finished her baby blanket yesterday. :) woot woot.

That's all for the randomness.....well maybe one more thing.... is it weird that I'm actually a little jealous that I'm not going to school this semester and Colten is? Ya....that's weird. I should stop right there. ......

I just miss walking into class, sitting down, and just soaking in all the information I possibly can. I love to learn. What can I say? I do know I'm not done with school. I know I'm out of it for a lil bit, but I'm not done. I can't be. There's too much more to learn, and I can't just not learn it. yep, ifs official, I'm a nerd. :)

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Names...and bestest buddies.

So, our boy name is still set in stone. Garrett Wayne will be a part of our family, but now it won't be for a long time. Our girl name that we liked, Lois Angell, is now outta the picture. I don't know why! But it's just not the right name for her. I still like the name, but that's just not our daughter's name. For some reason, the name Harmony popped into my mind after we found out it was a girl. I'd never seriously considered that one before. We still haven't 100 % decided on it, but once Colten heard that name, he said Lois is no longer an option haha. He's even referred to baby as Harmony a couple times... :) I can't quite decide on a middle name, or even if Harmony is the perfect name. But so far, it's top of the list.

My mom and I just so happened to end up in the baby section the other day... haha. And we ended up picking out some lil Sunday dresses and a couple outfits. So fun, and so cute. So glad I get to shop for a girl!!!! My two sis-in-laws are also pregnant with girls which pretty much makes everything that much funner.  (funner is totally a word in my dictionary). I also started a baby blanket for her, it's blue and yellow. Not pink. :)  haha I like pink, but we already had this discussion.



 It's so cute. I also got fabric to line her bassinet with, and its a cute hippie flowery print. I guess I'm not as into the baby fabrics as most people, so she's gonna be rockin' some different stuff. haha...i say that but yet the truth is all the outfits we got are in the pink/black/white range...haha. But I couldn't resist the gray and white cheetah print dress with a little pink sweater...cutest thing ever. But I'm still gonna try to throw in some different colors. At least for her room...

Girls are fun I already decided. I'm gonna be able to do her hair! Paint her nails! Sing to her and with her! Buy her dollies and flowers for her hair! I'm so excited. I would be just as excited for a boy, but it just seems a perfect fit to have this baby girl come to our family first. Besides, Colten already has his bestest buddy in the boy department:

Sorry if this image disturbs you ;) haha









Aren't my boys so cute? They are bestest friends forever and ever. I love these two. Colten asked me last night, "How come dogs don't live as long as humans?" That's man code for, "I just love kojo and I want to have him forever and ever and he can never die" I wish dogs lived as long as humans too hun. I really do.